Producer's Corner

Chapter 34

Jisung waits until Chan closes the door fully before turning his attention to Kiki. He rests his head in his hands and watches Kiki look around his room again. He had noticed she does that when she thinks hard. She had done it multiple times when they were talking about lyrics.

Her hands find each other. "Hey, Jisung?"

"What's up?"

"I know we're not very close or anything like that yet. But I have a personal question I wanted to ask." Kiki states. Her fingers pulled at one another.

"I mean, it depends on what the question is, but go for it." He says, sitting up properly. He could tell this was going to be a more serious conversation.

"I'm aware of your struggle with social anxiety. I was wondering how you deal with it. Even when you're in public almost all the time." She asks her eyes solely focused on her hands.

Jisung freezes at the question. He didn't think that was going to be the question. It was such a sensitive topic. But it was also a sensitive thing they both dealt with and could understand why she was asking him about it.

Her hands shoot up in front of her, "you don't have to answer that! I mean of course you don't. You obviously won't answer a question you're not comfortable with. But I thought I would ask because even though I've been meeting idols for a good while I still get really, and I mean really, nervous meeting them."

She pauses in her rant, her hands dropping back into her lap. "Sorry."

Jisung shakes his head and scoots himself to the edge of the bed. "No, no. It's okay. I-uhm. I'm not sure what to say actually. You've probably heard it all the time, but having a good strong support system is a great help." Kiki simply nods her head, her eyes focused elsewhere.

"When the guys and I are out doing things like filming, it can get overwhelming, really quick. And they learn to notice it. They've been with me for long enough to notice when I tense up or when I get quiet."

She thinks back to the times when Megan and Lucas helped her out in public. How Lucas would volunteer to order food for her when the day was bad enough. And how Meg, no matter how social she feels, will ask if I'm okay.

"Yeah, my friends do help. A lot, and I'm grateful for them, I truly am. But I don't want to rely on them all the time. Especially when I'm on my own and can't call them."

Jisung hums in understanding. He has to think more deeply about his anxiety and how he deals with it on his own. It's a rare occurrence, being by himself. And he doesn't feel the need to hide when he is anxious around the other members. He's been aware of his anxiety for a good portion of his life so he's had time to adapt and learn how to handle it.

"Do you understand why you have anxiety?" He hesitantly asks. "You, of course, don't have to answer that if you're not comfortable."

"Uh-I suppose I do. But I don't think it started as anxiety. When my family and I first moved to Korea, I didn't know anyone. All my friends were left in America, including my two closest friends. And when the time came to go back to school, it was harder. Everyone had their little groups or simply wasn't interested in the new girl who joined midway through the school year. So, I didn't try to get to know anyone. I stayed in my little bubble. Obviously making it harder down the road."

Jisung nods his head. It makes sense as to why she can get so anxious when dealing with interactions. No one willingly went up to her all those years ago, so now she's scared to interact with people who might not want to talk to her. Her mind automatically thinks of the worst possible scenario.