I'm sorry it's Alanna again but I haven't been great and she just brings comfort it's hard to explain. This one is also more darker, I didn't want to go too deep because this is still a story but again I haven't been great so I just tried to write how I felt so please if you are not in a place you can read about sad things please skip this one and look after yourself and hopefully I'll see you again soon on a different story. Remember your loved and cared about. Also sorry it's so short, also still taking requests I'm working through them.
This may have been the worst week, but today has taken the cake. Your girlfriend has been away for the past week away on international duty. So you have woken up alone all week, she flys back today but doesn't get home till maybe 7am for us. You awoke like normal but you had this awful pit in your stomach, already the anxiety for the day, but you needed to go to work. Starting off with a shower. Showers are a sort of comfort for you, the hot water that would hammer beads of water onto your body, was something so soothing. You undressed and stepped it. As the water hit you let out a sigh, "Fuck." You wanted to cry already. After washing all you need you turn off the water, then grabbing the soft cotton towel, wrapping yourself up. Standing in front of the mirror you brushed your teeth like always, trying not to just cry. Next to get ready, you changed into the clothes you left out for the morning. You should probably eat but you know you could not stomach anything, so you made a small protein shake to take with you. You set off for work.
You had made it to lunch, barely. You couldn't eat, your anxiety had gotten worse, you thought you were going to throw up at one point. You took you break in the car, you couldn't be around anyone, all you wanted was Alanna. She brought you comfort and safety in anything. Hot tears rolled down your face. Today was just not going well, those dark thoughts had come back, looming over you like a dark cloud, telling you all the things wrong with you, telling you the one solution you don't want. It hasn't been this bad in so long, the dark thoughts clouding all of your judgment. Your thoughts were broken by the sound of your alarm telling you had five minutes till the end of lunch. You pulled your mirror down and wiped the evidence of crying. You took a look at your phone and you had a snap from Lani, it was a picture of her smiling captioned, "I've missed you so bad I can't wait to see you." You saved this to the chat as made you smile and for a couple of seconds everything was quite. You snapped back telling her how much you just need to hug her. Then you set back to work.
You had finally finished work, after countless hours of head banging and mental breakdowns, everyone around you just seemed to be incapable. The pit never left you though staying a constant. You hadn't eaten all day though but at the same time you haven't been eating. You drove back home.
It was now 6:30 as you got in. Unlocking the door you stepped into the cold dark house, empty house. You took a deep breath in and the dark thoughts consumed every part of your mind. You dropped your bag by the door and slipped your shoes off. Walking though the house you felt numb like if you were to die now you would be okay. You turned no lights on. Your body felt so numb, so you tried to just feel something so you got back into the shower. The water was like lava droplets hitting you. You slowly sat down on the shower floor. T you started to sob again, you couldn't contain it anymore, you cried letting out loud sobs. You started to calm down, you decided to get out of the shower and put on one of Alannas vest tops and her shorts. You said goodnight to Lani even though she would be in the air about now. You hugged tight the jumper you had been sleeping with for the past week as it was the only thing to get you to sleep. You slide under the covers and just tried to sleep, your cheeks were still stained from the hot tears. Soon falling asleep to your sobs.
During the night you felt safe. You looked to yourside and she was there. The woman that made you feel the safest, was finally home. She stirred pulling you into her, "I missed you my love." Said said in her groggy Australia accent. "I'm glad you're back, my love so glad." You whispered, the dark started to clear in your mind. Her being next to you brought you back to life. Her arm slipped across your waist and pulled her close to you. Soon you drifted back off to sleep this time happy, safe, comfortable and loved.
