After changing buses a couple of times, we make it to a lookout spot almost outside of the city. Even though the journey was mostly silent, I wouldn't say it was uncomfortable, I didn't let go of her hand at any moment because as soon as we were holding hands again I remembered how safe it made me feel to be like that with her and I just didn't want to let go at all. And now, we are sitting on a bench overlooking the entire city of Madrid, each one with our hands sitting on our laps, looking straight ahead, not a word is being said, there's a general feeling of uncertainty... and yet, I wouldn't say its an uncomfortable moment.
I look at the city and I start thinking about all the things that have happened and that have brought us all the way here, I turn a little to look at Cris and I can see tears falling from her eyes, my heart aches just by the sight of her like that and I stop fighting the fact that I need to do something to take away all that sadness. I grab her hand and press it softly, I do that a couple of times until she looks at me.
"Hello"
Cris lets out a little chuckle and gifts me a brief smile.
"Hi"
Her voice is raspy and low, tired. And as soon as that one word is uttered, her smile breaks and her eyes fill with tears agan.
"Come here, Cris".
I pull her to me and she doesn't resist, instead, she nestles her head on my shoulder, right where my neck starts, and I move so I can put my arms around her. At first, Cris' hands are still on her lap between us, unmoving, but after a little while she starts moving and she puts her arms around me, right under mine, embracing me too, and we stay like that for long time. Sometimes, Cris calms down and then she starts crying again, I can feel her emotions pouring into me and, without fully knowing why, I start crying to and that's when Cris holds me tighter and I can feel her breathing and mine getting back in synch.
She sits up and looks right into my eyes, I can see them being of a clearer blue than they have been for many days now. She looks at me and her eyes remind me of something, kinda like a dream, an apology, a kiss, a smile, and Cris' deep blue eyes looking at me with joy beyond any tears.
"I'm sorry".
She looks at me and she seems confused for a second.
"What is it exactly that I have to forgive you for?"
I shrug my shoulders and tilt my head slightly.
"For making you cry".
I wipe a tear away with my thumb and press my lips together, only now fully realizing that I haven't kissed her in days and how much I need to.
"Nah, its not your fault."
"Come on, Cris. Had I not pulled away like I did, you wouldn't be feel this crappy."
Cris lowers her head and takes my hand again, drawing circles in it with her thumb.
