Catching Smoke

I Am Not Her, I Won't Ever Be Her

I read all of Cris’ messages and I honestly feel bad about leaving her hanging, I know now that it wasn’t right, that I could’ve written earlier but it was jut that even thinking about her was overwhelming and that didn’t change until 20 minutes ago when Amira talked to me. So, I try texting her, I try several times but it just doesn’t feel right, it comes out either too dry, or too evasive, sometimes it felt as if I was annoyed at her, other times as if I was blowing her off.

I delete and rewrite at least ten times before making a decision, I go for something simple and straight to the point, now I am the one hoping she’ll actually read and answer me, it’s not like I expect to be glued to her phone waiting on me or anything, nor do I actually expect she will want to talk to me, but I still hit send and exhale.

I mean, the message is true, my mother has decided I’ll stay home the rest of the weekend. Her and my father were talking and decided that since this was different than what happened at the party they would just ground me for the weekend.

I lay back in bed and close my eyes, my headache is all but gone and the one in the back of the neck has disappeared entirely, which is a complete relief because I can focus on my thoughts and put them in order. I’ve been in bed just a couple of minutes when my phone vibrates next to me.