Cris hasn’t stopped crying since I told her what happened, but it’s a silent cry, the type where the tears just stream down without measure, without control, she also hasn’t stopped holding my hand and she’s letting me talk without interrupting once. It isn’t until I make it clear that I’m done that she speaks.
“But, did they say anything else?”
I shake my head before talking again.
“No, they said they were called from the hospital to let them know and that I wasn’t with them when it happened.”
“Oh, okay.”
She looks confused and I don’t really know why.
“Did they tell you who you were with or who took you to the hospital?”
“No, not really. And I didn’t really think to ask.”
“Yeah, understandable.”
Cris’ eyes seem a little bit absent, she’s looking in my direction, but I can tell she’s not actually seeing me, I guess she’s just trying to process it all.
“Cris, I don’t want this to change anything between us, I really don’t know how can I go through this without you.”
She looks at me, for real this time, touches my face softly and smiles at me.
“You totally could though, you are so much stronger than you think.”
She leans closer to kiss me, a purple kiss, a kiss that helps me calm down a little, even though I’m not sure Cris feels the same way.
“Joana, I am going to be with you as long as you want, I’m never going to run away.”
“I know.”
I bump her nose with mine and I feel her hands going up through my hair, then down and she hugs me by the neck, she holds on to me tightly, more so than usual, as if she was scared to let me go, I feel her start to cry harder and I hold on to her tightly until she calms down.
“Are you okay?”
She looks at me with tearful blue eyes and I smile.
“Yeah, sorry. It’s just…”
Tears come streaming down again and she holds my hand tightly.
“Its just thinking that I could’ve lost you, I don’t know, it’s too much.”
I kiss her in the forehead and pull her to me so that her back is against mine and I hold her by the waist.
“Anyway, we hadn’t met so you wouldn’t have even known.”
I feel her tensing up and holding her breath.
“Yeah…”
After a second she lets go of the breath she had been holding and turns around to look at me, her eyes seem different than a moment ago, they have the same intensity they had the last time we argued in my room, the time I kissed her for the first time.
“Joana, baby, there’s something I need to-”
My phone starts vibrating making us both jump.
“Fuck, its my mother, I forgot to text her.”
Cris sits up and I do to so I can text faster.
“IS it okay if I sleep here tonight? We could go to my house in the morning for my stuff.”
She nods yes and tells me she’ll let her mother know, when she comes back she hands me some sleeping clothes that I always leave here, we brush our teeth, turn off the light and lay down under the covers without saying anything, just holding each other. After a few minutes I start feeling sleepy and I start dozing off until I remember that Cris was interrupted by my mother’s text.
“Cris, are you still awake?”
“Yeah.”
“Were you going to tell me something before my mother texted?”
She stays quiet and I can see her, even through the darkness, and I can tell her eyes are open and she’s staring at the ceiling, she starts running her fingers up and down my shoulder and I know I’ll fall asleep in no time.
“No, honey. It’s not important.”
She gives me a long kiss in the forehead and that’s all I register before falling asleep.
