“It wasn’t something out of the ordinary, the same dream as always.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I am at a party, there are a lot of people there and they are all dancing, I know I am looking for someone, but I don’t know who it is. I can’t hear the music, I can only hear the vibration from the speakerphones in my stomach, I’m carrying a yellow cup in my hand and it feels heavy so I know that its full, but every time I try to drink its empty.
I walk through the party and I get more and more anxious, between not being able to find whoever it is I’m looking for, the feeling of the vibrations in my stomach, the lights, the crowd, I feel I can’t breathe so I start running to look for the exit door. Then, when I can’t find it, I start to hyperventilate, and I realize that everyone is staring at me. And that’s when I see it, right at the back, the exit sign.
I start running between the crows who has now stopped dancing to stare at me, it’s very difficult to go through because they won’t move to let me pass. When I’m almost at the door the pathway becomes narrower and it gets harder to walk between the people there, and when I’m almost at the end I feel like I’m going to faint, but someone grabs my hand and pulls me outside.
Everything is dark outside, not a single light can be seen, and there’s complete silence too, somehow I remember I need to find someone and I start running, I try to yell out their name but I cant let out any sound, like I have no voice… but, it’s strange though because, even though I have no idea who I’m looking for, even though I don’t know their name or I cant remember it, its as if my body does somehow and that’s why I have the reflex to try and call out their name.
By that moment, my heart is pounding and it’s too fast, I feel it also pounding in my head, my breathing is agitated, and I start getting dizzy. I trip on something and I fall to the ground, I fall on my knees and hands and I just stay there, trying to get my beatings to slow down, trying to get my breathing back to normal, but it just keeps getting harder and harder. I get desperate and I try to scream but there’s still no sound coming out of my lungs.
I still manage to empty my lungs and then take a deep breathe, that helps me muster the strength I need to stand up and I manage to do it, I put one foot up, then the next, and then I start walking. It’s as if I was walking for an eternity in the dark and the silence, I walk for so long I forget why I was walking in the first place and I stop. There’s no sound besides my own breathing. I close my eyes and suddenly I hear a really loud noise that echoes everywhere, I feel my body being like, pushed around, and I hear glass breaking all around. My head and the back of the neck starts hurting a lot, and I fall down on the floor… hard.
Everything is silent again, I can barely keep my eyes open, and that’s when I see…”
“When you see… who?”
I stay silent for moment before answering because I’m not sure of the implications that my answer till have later.
“Joana, when you see who?”
“When I see… Cris.”
