I wake up in the hospital several times, I think. Some of them feel like dreams though. I remember Cris sitting next to me, maybe she was crying, maybe she was asleep, I don’t know. I also remember her arguing with my parents, and I heard something like:
“Of course, she won’t be able to if you don’t tell her what it is.”
… or something like that. I think I also remember Amira, but I can’t tell for sure. I remember mostly voices, my parents’, Cris’, Amira’s, my therapist’s… but its all like a dream because right at the end of it, right before I wake up, all the moments merge together into one and then I open my eyes.
When I do, the bright white light from the room makes me close them again for a moment and I rub at them with both eyes before opening them again.
“They really should change this light, to something yellow or neutral, what do I know.”
“Amira?”
“In the flesh.”
I sit up and Amira comes closer to help me, once I’m settled she asks if I’m comfortable and offers me some water.
“Uhm, Amira? It’s not that I don’t appreciate you being here but…”
“But you’d rather I was Cris, right?”
“Well…”
I shrug and Amira nods as she sits back down in the chair next to my bed.
“Yeah, of course. Its just that Cris… well she - She inhales slowly and looks at me again – It’s complicated.”
“Right.”
I rest my back on the pillows that Amira put between my bed and the wall and exhale forcibly.
“Did my parents forbid her to come see me?”
I choke up a little while I say it and my eyes tear up, I realize that my emotions are still as out of control as they were at the party.
“Well, yes. – A stray tear streams down my cheek. – But its not what you are thinking.”
I shake my head and I start feeling angry while thinking about my parents.
“Where are they? I need to talk to them; I need to tell them that… that…”
I try to stand up as I talk, I throw the cover and turn my body around quickly, too quickly, and when I try to stand up I get dizzy and I need to sit back down.
“Hey, girl. Calm down. Just lay back down, if you get upset they won’t let you out of here anytime soon, you know the drill. – She looks at me rapidly as if she had just said something wrong – Uhm, you know, here with the hospitals and how they like keeping people inside.”
