It’s the first day of school after some intense vacations, to put it in a certain way; for some reason my classes from last year ended earlier and I had five months for summer break, which I spent basically locked up at home, not that I had really a lot of things to do or friends to hang out with. We had just moved to Madrid and I didn’t really know anyone, so I used my vacations to get familiarized with the place, finding a new therapist, getting used to new meds, and getting used to the Spanish accent.
When I arrive at school I notice how some of the other students stare at me when I pass them by, which I’m not really surprised about since I am not only the new kid, but I am also from another country and the tips of my hair are purple, it was inevitable that I would catch their attention. However, it is still a little uncomfortable, especially when I pass by a group of five girls that, literally, stop what they’re doing to look at me so I look back at them and I notice how one of them, the one in the middle, a blonde girl, stares right at me and her expression turns sad just before she looks away. I allow myself a couple of seconds of confusion before heading to class.
First period: history. Second period: English. Third period: math. Fourth period: break.
I leave my classroom and head to my locker, I feel someone staring at my back while I put away my notebook. I turn around and I see a guy with curly hair and another guy with a lighter hair color, staring at me from the other side of the hallway; for some reason I wonder if they are a couple. I close my locker, grab my lunch bag and head to the cafeteria to get a soda, I’m about to pay when I notice the same group of girls sitting at one of the tables, the blonde girl is crying and is being held by – I assume – a Muslim girl who looks at me and gives me a half smile. I can’t think of anything else to do but return the gesture, pay my soda and leave.
Fifth and sixth period: science. Last period: literature.
I get to the classroom a little late since its on the opposite side from where my locker is, and I had some difficulties locating it. When I walk inside the classroom, the teacher is already introducing the subject and signals me where to sit, I hesitate for a moment when I notice who is it that I am going to share seats with, but I go there and I sit down, I put my backpack on the floor, take out my notebook, my pen, and settle down to listen to the class.
Focusing is a little complicated, the girl (no matter how hard she tried) won’t stop staring at me but avoids eye contact if I turn to look at her.
The bell rings to mark the end of the class and of the first day, everyone leaves as quickly as possible, some of them left while still putting away their things. At the end, it was just me and her, and something tells me she’s stalling on purpose, so I decide to introduce myself.
“Hi.”
She turns to look at me but doesn’t say anything, her blue eyes observe me, and I can’t read her facial expression.
“My name is Joana.”
She nods for a few seconds, during which her eyes turn sad again, she looks away and presses her lips.
“Right. – she looks at me again with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes – I’m Cris.”
We stay in silence for a few seconds, but before we can say anything else, we hear someone calling her from the entrance of the classroom.
“Cris, shall we go?”
She’s a girl with light eyes and not too tall, she looks at me briefly and smiles while nodding her head but doesn’t say anything else. I turn to look at Cris and she looks like she wants to say something else, she looks at the girl and then back at me.
“Cris, let’s go.”
That is a different voice, sharper, more severe, it belongs to the Muslim girl, she looks at me and her expression is completely blank.
“Yeah, okay. I’m coming. Bye… Joana.”
“Bye.”
She exits the room followed by the two girls, the Muslim girl looks at me with an expression of… warning? I don’t understand very well but I don’t really pay too much attention to it, first days of school are always weird. I simply put my things away and leave the classroom, but just before I make it out, I hear them speaking from right outside, so I wait to see if I can hear what they are saying.
“What are you doing, Cris? Remember what they told us, we’re not supposed to-”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s just that…”
“That... what? Huh? Cris?”
“That its not that simple, Amira! I can’t just pretend and act as if nothing’s happening, okay? I can’t.”
“Cris, we know it’s not easy but-”
“No! Nora, you don’t know anything.”
“Cris, its not easy for anyone, okay? But we have to try, for everyone’s sake.”
“Amy, its just that – I hear her start to cry and, for some reason, it fills me with sadness too – … I just can’t help it.”
I listen to Cris cry more, but it sounds muffled, I assume her friends are hugging her… I wish there was something I could do to cheer her up.
“Come on. Come, Cris, lets get out of here.”
I hear their steps walking away and I peep outside to check that they are far away so that I can leave, I see the two girls walking a little ahead of Cris. I follow them with my eyes and, when they are about to turn around the corner, I fully exit the classroom thinking that they are sufficiently away to not see me, but right before disappearing, Cris turns back to look at me one more time. We make eye contact and the world stops for a few moments until she sends me a sad smile and walks away.
It takes me a few seconds to regain control of my body, it has been a confusing day and I just want to go home; even though I doubt I will be able to get Cris out of my head.
