I leave therapy feeling as happy as I have felt this whole week, I’m finally getting my phone back and I will be able to go back to school on Monday and see Cris without her having to climb up my window in the middle of the night. Just the memory of that makes me laugh until I see my mother waiting for me in the car and my smile drops because I remember what happened, or what I think happened even though she has not said anything. She looks at me and I take a deep breath before going inside the car.
“I believe you’ve been waiting for this.”
She hands me my phone and I need all my self-control to not clap at that moment.
“But wait until we get home to turn it on, deal?”
“But, mom…”
“Joa, please, I don’t want to repeat myself.”
I put on my seatbelt and cross my arms in front of my chest, its not a long trip home anyways and I can surely last 20 more minutes.
“Fine then.”
We get home and my mother parks the car, she turns the engine off, but she doesn’t take off her seatbelt nor does she release the safety locks.
“Joana.”
“… mom?”
“Kiddo…”
She takes in a deep breath and I can hear her exhale heavily.
“Is everything okay? You are honestly scaring me a little bit. Mo-?”
Before I can finish talking, she traps me in an embrace, a tight and long hug, its so sudden that it takes me a couple of seconds to react and hug her back.
“Are you alright?”
I hear her let out a small laugh and I can tell for sure that she’s crying.
“Mom, why are you crying?”
She breaks away and wipes the tears away, then she touches my face with one hand and smiles at me, she smiles at me in a weird way, happy and sad at the same time, looking at me straight into my eyes without actually looking for anything there; which, I won’t lie, is a relief.
“I just want you to know I love you a lot and that I am proud of you. And please don’t ever forget that all your dad and I have ever wanted is for you to be okay. Please. You’re are the most important person in both our lives, and we are so happy you are our daughter.”
“… okay?”
She hugs me one more time, kisses my forehead, releases the locks and gets out of the car, leaving me sitting here wondering what the hell just happened. I get out of the car too and I walk to the entry, where my mother is still standing, waiting on me to go inside the house I guess.
