Trapped inside a Thunderstorm

Oblivious and Ignorant!

I really have no idea how long I was outside but I do know that people were looking at me. Not only that but I was currently suffering in here and living like a dead rat like my brother told me. He was more a stranger than a brother to me anyways. That man and all the others in that mansion could could go and die if it was by me. They could get dragged to the deepest part of the abbys and I would still not care about this at all. 

Me: *sigh* .... why not step out and come to me instead of watching me? Am I a prisoner now?

There was no way for me to tell who this was but I could feel the eyes on me and it was bothering me soo much. How should this not be bothering at all? I mean there was someone watching and I was just laying down doing nothing at all.

Reynold: May I?

To be quite honest it surprised me that it was Reynold. He was one of the persons I really didn't wanted to see at all but at the same time I knew that he needed this talk with me. It was his very own conscience which made him come over and talk to me. If it would be by what I wanted, then it would be death and that they would leave me alone. My rationality however told me something else. For once it made sense to talk to Reynold and kill all his hopes. Perhapse make him feel guilty or even angry. Whatever emotion he needed to leave me alone, I was about to give him that.

Me: You are already staring and it is uncomfortable.

Reynold: I am sorry.

Me: What do you want?

Reynold: I... I wanted to apologise. I am sorry about what I have done. I never wanted to make things go this far.

Me: What did you think would happen? They treat me badly because the young masters of this family were not seeing me as their sister. The duke was always just throwing things at me but never spending time and then there was this thing with the maids and the knight which the whole mantion decided to ignore.... now was this not an obvious result when you decided to frame me back then? When you decided to treat me like a rat? You do know I was illiterate and a child who was just happy about the daily means. I never asked for anything luxurious but only the care and love of a family..... if I knew things would come this way, I would have not agreed to come here back then as a child.

I think I may have said it a bit too.... well a bit to straight up in his face. He was silent and that was just because I had just told him the truth which he also knew. This man was a bit on the strange side for sure. How could someone be this oblivious and just ignorant to life? Everything was happening thanks to him and Derrick.

Reynold: I... I was selfish. I am truly sorry. We will make a change. So please.... just look forward to it.

Me: I don't care anymore. Do what you want but leave me out of this. I am just the FAKE anyways. I'll be gone sooner or later.

Reynold: WHO SAID THAT?

Me: Everyone and you did find Ivonne anyways.

Reynold: You can't know if it is the real one yet!

Me: I do....I do.....

This whole time I was not looking at Reynold at all but right now, I just had to turn away from him since I so couldn't take it anymore. I didn't wanted to talk to him in the first place and after talking to him, I felt worse. It was as if old wounds reopened. Was I really so done with this family?

I couldn't say this for sure with how I felt but I knew that I wanted to end it.

I was tired of feeling so used.

To know that there was no end to everything and that the only ending for me was death.

I was scared about every change and every interaction.

By now I was hanging on a mere threat that could be cut by any moment.

There was just nothing that I could do.

I was doomed and feeling this anxiety mixed with this heavy and chocking feeling.... there was really nothing left for me anymore. The only questions left in my head was.... how should I commit it next? Meds were off limit. By now they surely did remove all the sharp things in my room as well but what did I had left to live for? Nothing and that nothing, that spiritless being called me, couldn't stand just walking for another minute. It was time to go after all.