37 days: Holding on 2 broken promises

Grave encounters

POV
Millie

My fingers delicately graze the bright green grass as the morning dew coats my fingers as I sit full of depression cross-legged on the ground. I arrived twenty minutes ago, just after sunrise.

I let out a loud exhale and succumbed to my depressive state, letting tears fall in a stream down my face for the first time since I left.

I pointlessly wipe away continuous tears with X's black hoodie that I'm still wearing. It smells like him which makes me cry even harder.

"Mama" I cry out to the headstone in front of me.

"I wish you were here, I really need you right now," I whisper through sobs.

"I need you to tell me what to do, I need your guidance mom, I'm so freaking alone." I stare at the glossed stone through blurry eyes.

What am I going to do? I'm completely at square one, once again. I need to figure out what is going to happen for the next two weeks. I can afford a motel or hotel now luckily, but should I stay in San Diego or Los Angeles?

I need a new phone.

Now that time has passed, I don't know what possessed me to smash my phone and point a gun at X and Julian.

Oh god, I'm psychotic.

I was so desperate to leave I just did whatever I could to do at the time. I'd never take another life, not intentionally at least.

The image of X with those whores is making my stomach hurt and my heart clench. I'll never be able to get over that. How could he do that to me? To us? I knew deep down nothing good could've come from this past weekend.

Right now, I should be snuggled in X's warm bed while he holds me in his arms. My head is so jumbled I still can't process it all, I have so many unanswered questions.

Was he going to just climb into bed with me and act as though nothing ever happened?

The betrayal..

Tears continue to pour out of my eyes, I hate him so fucking much but a part of me still loves him for who he is and not what he's done. I can't forgive him though, I can't just move on from this, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

I close my eyes hugging my knees to my chest with my head tucked in, the beautiful scent of X takes over my nostrils again as my face makes contact with the cotton. I'm crying so hard I can barely catch my breath. I move my hands to my head tugging at the roots when I suddenly feel a hand over mine and a head resting on my shoulder.