37 days: Holding on 2 broken promises

Enough is enough

POV
Stephanie

"I miss her too," I say gently.

Millie perks her head up with lightning speed as soon as I laid my hand and head on her.

"Steph? Oh god, Steph?" Millie says through sobs hugging me.

"I'm here Millie, I'm here." I start to cry now too.

I lift her head with my hands to force her to look at me as tears flood her sad face, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry he did this to you." I say putting my forehead to hers.

She pulls me in for another hug and cries on my shoulder while I stroke the strands of her hair as I empathically cry with her some more.

"Why? Why did he do this to me Steph? I loved him." Millie cries into my shoulder.

"I don't know baby girl," I say holding her close.

"I thought he loved me too." She says through breathless sobs.

"He did, he does Millie, he does love you he's just a fucking idiot with a dick," I explain.

I gained a small chuckle. I'll take that as a win given the circumstances.

Millie sits up and wipes away her tears with a black hoodie. Poor thing is running out of dry space for tears on that thing.

"How did you know I'd be here?" She asks me.

"Mills, I told you about twelve hours ago...I'm your best friend, I know you better than you know yourself," I say bumping my shoulder with hers.

She rolls her eyes, I'm starting to get my Mills back one minute at a time.

"Thank you, Steph," she says wiping excess tears off of her chin.

"We always need our mamas when our heart is broken huh?" I ask pointing to Ellen's headstone.

"Yeah," Millie whispers.

"So are you going to tell me the whole 'I told you so' thing?" She asks me embarrassed.

I look over at her, she's looking at her mom's stone, "Millie, that's the absolute last thing I would say to you right now." I tell her truthfully.

"I'm not anyone to talk, I've fallen for Julian, he's X number two," I say rolling my eyes.

"Oh yeah...about that...sorry about pointing a gun at Julian," she says shamefully.

"Pshh, I was a little worried at the time but now that I think about it, it was pretty badass. You had two of the most powerful men in the house scared for their lives." I say proudly.

"That's kinda fucked up, Steph." She says.

"Yeah..coming from the girl that points a gun at people?" I say to her and wink.

Her whole face changes and bursts out in tears again.

What did I miss?

"Babes, I was joking.." I say apologetically.

"It's not that," she cries into the hoodie.

"Ugh! I hate this, I hate him, how did I get here Steph?" She says in frustration.

I give her a sympathetic look and she continues.

"You know, sometimes I wonder, why me? What did I ever do in this world to deserve all of this? I feel like I'm a good person ya know? I try, I try to be good in this world so why am I constantly being punished?" Millie says as though her vocal cords have become on fire.

"Let it out babe," I say nodding my head, encouraging her to release the pain she's been holding back for years.

"What if on that day, June 22nd, my mom drove? What if we left the house 1 minute later,  or drove back home a minute earlier? What if my dad wasn't the responding officer?" She lets out a helpless cry.

A stream of tears falls down my face for all of her what ifs?

"Why has every fucking moment after that day been a series of unfortunate events? Why am I being punished for what I accidentally did? Was the grief not enough? Was the guilt not enough? Was watching my dad kill himself to drugs not enough? Now I fall in love with a man and he's suddenly ripped away from me?"

I'm full-on crying now, the tears almost can't come out fast enough.

"When is enough, enough?"

I watch my best friend fall apart at the seams.

She rips the green grass from the ground into her white-knuckled hands. I'm taken aback when she screams from the pit of her stomach, using the highest volume her vocal cords will allow.

"When is enough, enough?!" She screams at the top of her lungs.