37 days: Holding on 2 broken promises

Second best

POV
Millie

Steph arrives with my bags in hand just after 7 o'clock. I'm curious about the interaction between her and X but I don't dare ask.

"Holy shit this place is incredible! How much did this have to cost him?!" Steph asks looking around at the beautiful suite.

"I don't know, I feel kinda bad about it though," I say feeling guilty.

"Oh god, don't! It's the least he could do." She says walking to the fireplace to get a better look at all the details.

"Yeah," I say quietly, just talking about him is hurting, and Steph notices.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"He's got it bad Mills, he's going through it too," Steph says as though she can read my mind.

"Mm." Is all I say praying she'll spill more.

"He's desperate for forgiveness," she says and it pulls at my heart.

"Well, he should've thought about that before he did what he did," I say crossing my arms over my chest and gaining attitude in the process.

"Girl, I know, say no more, if it were Julian I would've actually killed him." She says with a chuckle.

"What's going on with you and Julian by the way?" I ask curious about their relationship. I may be depressed about my own love life right now but I want Steph to succeed in hers.

"I don't know, we've spending more time together I guess, I still can't figure him out most days but I think I'm the only one he spends time with," she says obviously feeling guilty for her relationship being more successful than how mine was, I mean if a relationship is even what you can call it.

Steph walks over to the couch sprawling out enjoying the luxury of the suite and making it home by kicking off her shoes and pushing them to the ground with her feet. Her blob of blonde hair is taking over the arm of the couch while she basically becomes one with the couch.

"C'mon! Sit down," she demands.

"I didn't want to interrupt.." I say sarcastically.

She waves her hand in the air to stop my nonsense. I walk over and sit next to her feet where it contains the most room for me to sit.

"I need to know everything about your first day!" Steph says excitedly.

"It wasn't technically my first day, I was just shadowing someone," I say modestly.

"Oh whatever Miss technical..just tell me about it." She dismisses my point.

"It was good, I think I'll like it, Nick was great," I say and immediately regret my choice of words so I try to recover myself by talking about the actual job and not the heartthrob I'm shadowing.

Steph spins her finger in the air, "No, no, back up, who's Nick?" She asks full of annoying curiosity.

"No one, just the person I'm shadowing Steph.." I say trying to stay strong.

A huge grin fills her face.

"Tell me everything," she excitedly demands.

I roll my eyes at her unnecessary investigation.

"He's gorgeous. He's like a mix between Chase and X," I tell her.

She springs up into a sitting position, "holy shit girl! You're just stealing all the guys in L. A aren't you!?" She asks with pride.

"Oh god, no Steph. He's just eye candy is all, I'm not planning to get involved with anyone from work and especially not with anyone right now for that matter," I tell her and if I'm really being honest with myself, I don't think I'll ever truly move on from X. He was a once in a lifetime sort of love for me and anyone else would simply be second best, unfortunately, I was only second best to him.

Today is the first day I haven't talked to him. My mind is cheering but my heart is hurting. I know Steph says he's hurting too but I secretly miss him, I miss his presence, his scent, his touch, his voice, I miss everything down to his asshole remarks.

The highs and sudden lows are exhausting. I try to remember the grieving process with my mom. There were times of the day when I felt every emotion, there were points when I'd be sad all day and I'd get a minute of numbness that then brought on a force of pulling myself together until I no longer needed to force it every time. I will be able to move forward, I just need to take one step at a time until I achieve it.

Steph has picked up on my low of the night and scoots herself close to me, "you'll get through this Mills, you always do," she says putting her head on my shoulder for comfort.

"I don't want to just get through this Steph, I'm sick of living my life with just getting through," I say between my millionth tear.

"Baby girl, if you want him, you know where he is, I'll support you no matter what you choose to do." She says now looking at me.

"I know Steph, but I can't," I say wishing I would've chosen the alternative.