37 days: Holding on 2 broken promises

I'm the one

POV
X

I hop on Interstate 5 driving southbound to San Diego. I'm going as fast as I can without drawing attention to myself. Although I have cops who work for me on the inside, it's the rookie pricks who want a gold star that I need to watch out for the most.

Goddammit, I want to floor this son of bitch. Every minute feels like an hour, I need to get to her.

I love this girl and I know that anytime she's upset she calls her mom, well she's livid and heartbroken, doesn't exactly have a phone to call Mom so that of course would mean she's at the cemetery.

Fuck, I started driving without even knowing where I'm going, my one thought was San Diego but not where in San Diego.

I try to pull my phone from my pocket.

"Fuck!"

My hand is killing me and I just rubbed it against my pants. The friction of one another sends a searing pain all the way up my shoulder.

"Ray," I say through the phone.

"I'm sorry X, I'm still working on Miss Taylor's location, I need a bit more time," Ray explains.

"No, no, it's not that. I need you to find the location of where Millie's mom is buried, her name was Ellen Hill, you gave me a brief description of Ellen in Millie's investigation report, I just need to know where she's buried."
I say so fast I don't even know if he comprehended my words.

"Uh okay, sure..give me a minute and I can call you back," Ray says laced with confusion in his voice.

I keep my eyes focused on the road determined to get to my destination, my phone rings, Ray.

"Thank god," I say to myself.

"Where is it ray?"

He tells me the location and I type it into Google Maps as fast as my fucked up fingers will allow.

...

An hour later, I pull up to the front gates of the resting place of the deceased. My heart is hammering in my chest, she's so close.

I slowly drive through and see Millie's car alongside what I'm assuming is Mia's.

I park a little in the distance so I can't be noticed just yet.

I spot Millie and Stephanie sitting next to a grave which has to be Ellen's. My heart has seized at the image of the woman I love, she's still wearing my black hoodie.

She looks so distressed and I'm disgusted by myself, I caused this. I caused this pain for her.

I see Steph holding her while Millie is crying. I want to run out of this car and hug her but after my desperate attempts to find her and finally doing so, driving two hours to beg her for forgiveness, I can't.

I can't get out of this car.

I can't take a sacred place for her away and taint it with my presence.

So instead, I watch.

I watch the love of my life cry in the arms of her best friend as she consoles her. I hate myself, I hate who I am and what I've done.

I cover my face with my hands and run my fucked up hands through my hair, I'm filled with stress.

I look at Millie, only her back is visible, she's looking angry as Steph appears to be listening to what she's saying by nodding her head.

I want to hear what she's saying but it's impossible from here, that is until, my baby screams at the top of her lungs, audible for the whole state of California, "When is enough, enough?!"

I lose it. I absolutely fucking lose it.

I cry like a fucking baby alone in Ghost's car, slamming my already messed up hands into the steering wheel with force and then pushing and pulling at it.

I fucking did this.

"I'm so sorry Millie, I'm so so sorry," I cry to myself.

I want nothing more than to be the one holding her right now, consoling her, wiping tears away, I want to be the one she needs when she feels helpless and lost, I want to be the one to tell her everything will be okay.

But I can't, because I'm the one that did this and everything is not okay.

I take one last good look at my girl and drive away with tears running down my face.