My Very First

C12:I AM: My son

MIKAYLA'S POV

I left.

With tears, I ran home. My chest hurt, and I had a difficulty breathing. The way home was blary due to the tears in my eyes that just kept on falling.

Is this what love is? Is this how it's supposed to feel like? A few moments of joy with the one you love in your arms and the rest of it; sadness and misery?

I felt a sharp pain in my head. My heart hurt, like it was bleeding internally. I sobbed as I got into my room. I realised a little too late just how much I loved Daniel. His smile, the way he looked at me, his touch, the way he passionately spoke about the love of God. Heck, I loved him even when he was saddened and needed a hug cause I was happy to be the one to give him.

'WHY??!!!'

I questioned myself. Why did I leave Tilda's Sweetness? Here I am now saddened and all this crying wasn't good for my health.

Did I love Daniel Johnson?
Do I love Daniel Johnson and did he love me back?

He kissed me. I cried even more at the image in my head. His lips on mine, dancing together. He said all those sweet words to me and I just left. Whyyyy???!!

I feel like a failure. He was right, if I thought our love was worth it, I should have atleast fought, right??

I cried myself to sleep and hoped that my dreams would bring me some sort of solace since my life was a living nightmare.

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Daniel's POV

I was numb.

Numb

Numb

Numb!!

I couldn't feel, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything but exhale harshly. Cause every inhale felt like it was borrowed, my ribcage narrowing like I don't deserve another inhale.

God, where are you?

I need you, now more than ever. Aren't you the pioneer and perfector of my faith? Isn't it in you that I live, move and have my being?

Then why do I feel alone? Lord, God almighty, you're distant. Far away from my heart.

It's not Mikayla, Sarah, Emily, my dad or even my mother's death.........its you.

You are the most important part of this puzzle of my life. God please. I'm drifiting away into the depression unit. The anxiety cripples me, the sadness chokes me.

I know You exist, but where exactly in my life? You are the Light of the world, but what about in my world? My world, where all I've grown up to is pain and misery.

You were my pillar of strength, my source of joy and happiness. Where did it all go wrong?

God, it's me, your son. Daniel. Not like in the Bible, far from that one. This one is a messed up teenage boy. He has the ability to dream but fears letting go. This one is filled with so much uncertainty, he's at the brick of blindness. This one wants to trust You, more than anything but fears losing You just like he did her mother.

I know, it's dumb. But this is the Daniel that this one is. Filled with potential but feels empty inside. Broken, misery and darkness

I want to be free. Free from pain, sadness, self-pity, agony and fear. And yet, I keep imprisoning myself. The Bible, Your Word constantly says that we should not be anxious but I'm really scared.

Christ!! Where are you??!!

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