My Very First

C9: A feeling that's not love

The next day

There I was in a black suit, preparing for a horrible dinner. I had told Wayne about it and he laughed.

"I mean....at least you look good in them. It's not bad. The real problem is kissing Sarah's mom' hand. That's where the issue is." We both laughed.

"Then she'll start kissing your cheeks nonstop." I said with a pale face holding my face. "Yeah, that's it, I'm not going. Yeah, if father has a problem, it's his." I said loosening a few buttons of my shirt.

Wayne just rolled in my bed laughing. "You're leaving. That's that. Plus you won't be alone; Mikayla and I are coming with you." Oh yeah, Mikayla was also coming.

Mentioning Mikayla somehow made my mind at ease. Her smile had a way of softening my heart and her laughter was the sound thar drowned all my sorrows.....the major question was why? Why was she the answer to my heartaches? I was going to find out, one way or the other.

"Yeah, let's go." I said taking my car keys.

The drive to Mikayla's house was thrilling. I was excited but as I was drawing nearer my heart began beating rapidly.

"So, that's what I picture as a beautiful day." Wayne said. I wasn't listening.

"Huh?" I asked. He gasped. "You didn't hear a word of what I just said?" I shrugged. "I've just explained how I envision a beautiful day and you heard nothing." He touched his heart.

I chuckled and apologised, "I'm sorry, man. My mind isn't here, how do you envision a beautiful day again?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. I mean......I realised you weren't listening ages ago, so I just started talking about elves being evil and ruining Christmas. Imagine!! No Christmas presents or worse opening presents you didn't ask for."

What was he talking about. "Huh? Elves? Are you 6 or something?" He laughed.

He clapped his hands. "I did it! I did it, so well!" I was more confused. "Man, it's either you speak sense or shut up. Stop speaking in riddles!" He continued laughing. "I was able to stop you from thinking about Mikayla." I remained silent.

"What do you mean; thinking about Mikayla?" I inquired.

"I'm your best friend, man. I've known you way before we were even born. That look of yours when Mikayla is involved is different."

"Different how?"

"You love her, different." I stopped the car abruptly. Looking at him, I said, "What?!"

He pressed the hazard button and said, "Yes. The way you smile when she's around, the way she smiles back. The way your eyes are filled with joy, concern, love and care for her. It's amazing."

He's crazy! Right? He must be.

Focus on the rainbow.....
Even in the rain she looks beautiful... Catch me if you can!......
Her cheeks when I complimented her in my jacket at church the other night.....
Her soft giggle in my ears.......

All these events played back in my head, like that one song you try forgetting but find yourself singing it out loud anyway.

"I don't love her,man. I can't." I tried reasoning. "Who are you convincing? Me or yourself? And who says you're not worthy of falling in love? I mean, you're not as hot as me but who's judging. Definitely not Mikayla." Wayne said with a sly smile

"Wayne. I agree she makes me feel a type of way but I don't think it's love. That would just be selfish of me. Loving her would mean making her a part of my messed up life." I said expressing my suit with my hand.