Always? Forever.

Period cramps 🩸

Nobody heard me and nobody bother to check on me. I might've been hurt if I wasn't in so much pain. It felt like I'd swallowed razor blades. I was rather good at hiding my scratchy voice though. Honestly, I didn't know what to do. What can I do? There was no saving Kite or Gon at this point. Killua was to deep into his lies, blindly arming Gon with the means to destroy people. What else is there for me to do? I could always just leave, go with Netero maybe but I promised I'd try and do what I could for my friends. So I did the best thing I could think of for the moment, I called Bisky. She might not have been what we need but she would do for now. Who the hell knows, maybe she could be what we need. I think she could tell that I was uncomfortable over the phone. She told me she'd be there by morning. I sighed and hung up the phone.

I crept into the kitchen of our rented apartment. It was pretty last minute and kinda crappy but it would do. There was nothing in the fridge or cupboards. I sighed at the lack of food but did I really feel like eating in the first place? Not really, it was just emotional eating, the boys however were probably hungry. I looked down at my attire that was covered in blood. I needed new clothes, I couldn't wear this stupid NGL outfit anymore. I had forgotten to retrieve my clothes from the border of NGL but Killua hadn't and got both his and Gon's clothes. I cleared my throat and spit out some bloody spit into the sink, washing it down with the faucet. It was settled then, I'd go to the nearest store and buy food and stop somewhere for clothes. It was probably around two or three by this point so everything should be open. I opened the door with a loud creak and heard a voice from behind me.

   "It smells like blood." I turned my head to the side to see Gon in the hallway. He glanced at me and then the bathroom. "I don't smell it?" I knew Gon's nose was one of the best and he could smell nearly anything. So I conjured up a lie as quick as I could. "Well, I'm on my period so It could just be that." His face flushed red a bit before he nodded. "Where are you going?" I huffed "I'm going to get groceries and new clothes, see ya later." I shut the door before he could get another word in and sighed. I got strange looks as I walked around town with blood stained clothes. I simply brushed everything off and stopped in a small clothing store. There was an old lady at the counter who smiled a soft smile. Old people always did have a spot in my heart.

    I smiled back and began to browse the options. I found a pair of reddish maroon shorts and a black shirt, along with a pair of black converse. I grabbed a black belt too. I set everything down on the counter for the lady to scan, which she did. She did so silently and I was grateful for that. I doubted I could properly talk right now. I paid with my hunters license which had been linked to my bank account that Netero set up. She smiled and pointed me to a dressing room in the back. I thanked her quietly and changed. It was nice to be in fresh clothes. She waved goodbye to me as I left and I walked across the street to the grocery store. I'm not to sure what to get so its mostly random stuff. The only thing I actually vividly remember getting was oranges.

   I made it back to the apartment by five and put the groceries away. I smelled pizza in the distance so I assumed that the boys had just ordered takeout. The apartment was two bed one bath situation and I assumed that Killua and I would share a room and Gon would have his own. But at this point I'm probably going to sleep alone. I doubt Killua will want to leave Gon's side. I peeked into their room where they sat on Gon's bed eating pizza. Gon grinned and he seemed to be back to normal and he waved at me. Killua smiled lightly but it was slightly guilty as he glanced down at the futon on the floor. I felt my heart clench at the sight of it but I ignored it. I walked in and placed a soft kiss on forehead and ruffled Gon's hair. "I'm going to sleep, try not to be to loud ok?" They nodded and continued eating.

   I shut their down quietly and felt my lip quiver. I'm to young for this. I'm to young to be feeling this way and to be going through these things. I pushed the thoughts away and walked to the end of the hallway where my room was. It was only now that I realized that I'd left my phone at the NGL. I assume we'll be back eventually so I'll get it then. I climbed into the bed that was as hard as a rock. I curled up into a ball and just stared at the wall. I knock sounded on my door and Killua walked in, I could tell from the lack of footsteps, or the sound if you would. "Y/n, are you ok? It's awfully early for you to be going to bed. It's only 5:30." I hummed but didn't move. "Don't worry, it's just period cramps." I stuck with my lie from earlier. I hadn't ever had a period before. For a while I was on birth control, I stopped taking it a while ago but I figured since I was so stressed out recently that it hadn't happened.

    He hummed and stood there for a minute. He probably wanted to say something but he remained silent. A part of me wanted him to go away and never come back. But another part of me wanted him to stay and talk to me. I wanted him to be concerned and comfort me. But no part of me had the guts to tell him the truth. So off he went, back to Gon and I was left alone once more. Sleep sounded nice. It sounded like an escape. But on the other hand, sleep brought nightmares. But those nightmares can't be worse than the real thing. The real horrible and cruel world that I'm living in.