Look At Them Now: A Jelena Ending

Changes

JUSTIN'S POV

Summer was where it all started for us. It was magic. Lust, love and adventure surrounding our days. She was the girl I claimed I never liked until she waltz into my life and I made it my mission to make her mine. Her brown eyes so tantalizing, they were my favorite pair to stare into. Her laugh made me clench my chest because my heart dropped every time I heard it. Her smile always reminded me why being around her made me go crazy for her. Most of all, her heart was the purest. Made it impossible to fall out of love with her.

But I had to. I had to leave it all behind. I did what I thought was right and it feels right. Yet, I'm still broken inside. My anxiety at an all time high. Panic swirls any chance it gets and I'm nothing but a doll left on a shelf, forgotten.

I'm wrong for still having these feelings about her. Especially when I have the women I proposed to sitting next to me. Helping me from my anxiety attack I'm currently having. They come often now, triggered by the slightest things. She made it okay some days, but other days like this one all I wanted to do was shut down. Today was the day Selena and I hung out for the first time ever. The moment I knew I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. Eight years later and we couldn't figure out the pieces. She was what I thought I wanted and I guess some times I still do, but Hailey has become a part of me that I can't let go of either.

Selena and I called it quits and automatically I ran to Hailey. I saw her at church, holding a baby and something in me clicked that she's the one. Kind of crazy when you really think about it and I sure as hell got a lot of hate for it. I couldn't help it, I'm going through changes some for the worst and some for the better. I'm hoping in the end it's all for the better.

"Babe, how are you feeling now?" Hailey softly spoke as her hand gripped my bicep. My head was still in my hands, fingers entangled in my hair as I breathed heavily. I shrugged my shoulders in response. I couldn't sit here and tell her what was actually going through my mind. It's already not fair to her that my anxiety is being caused by thoughts of my ex. Instead, I chose to releasing everything I was feeling through a big breath and smiled weakly at her.

"I'm okay now." I lied.

"You sure?" Worry still filtered in her eyes. I nodded my head as I put the car in gear and began driving off. We decided to live together once I proposed. They always say you don't know who you're marrying unless you live with them first. We weren't bad, we actually lived great together. We always woke up and made breakfast for one another and then run any errands we needed together or individually. At night we'd come back and lay with each other, talking for hours or just enjoying each others company through a movie.

I thought back to the days when I moved in with Selena. We were still teenagers but it was fun acting like adults. Grocery shopping and creating a home for each other. It was great in the beginning until it wasn't. Arguments began, the parties never stopped and the hurt and tears were constant. I felt it was best if I moved out and so I did. After that our relationship changed, we weren't together for a while. I turned to a lot of nights in the club, feeding my body with substances I grew addicted to. Girls left and right came into my life trying to fill a void I had but the only person who could complete it was Selena.

It wasn't until I started hanging out with Hailey more that I realized she made me forget about that side of my life. She was a need for me throughout that time in my life. We were photographed everywhere together. I even invited her to a family trip prior to new years where we made things official. That made the headlines for the new years. It felt good but the comments about Selena started and never stopped. I tried to ignored them but always found myself scrolling through old pictures of us. Smiling as I reminisced the moments we shared together.

I hated it all. I hated how much control she had over my feelings. There were things I needed to fix about myself and knew I couldn't provide it to her and that's why I left. But I love her and I kept coming back because seeing her with someone else angered me. I wanted to be the man she wished for. Everything crumbled for us and now we were only left with what ifs. I just no longer wanted to live like that. So I did what I thought was right and the second Hailey came back I proposed. I had goals at this age. To be married already and if it was going to be with Hailey then so be it. If I was going to heal then at least I knew I had my best friend to help me through it. As selfish as that sounded, I knew somewhere inside she'd always stick around. She understood how messed up I was with Selena but she still wanted to be together and for me that's enough. I'm not as easy as it comes, but all I ask for is patience.

Hailey gives me that, so here I am trying to be a better man for her. If I couldn't do it right by Selena then it'll be Hailey. I took my hand and interlaced it with hers, a smile forming on her lips as she kissed my knuckles.

"I love you," I sweetly said.

"I love you too."

I turned my attention to the road as I continued the drive through Beverly Hills. Hailey walked in front while I stayed behind, casually strolling up the walkway. The minute I was inside I headed straight into my studio to lose myself for a little. I closed the door which indicated I didn't want to be bothered and Hailey respected that. I opened my laptop, opening my mixing software and began putting tunes together.

And if you can't be next to me, your memory is ecstasy

The words came so easily because it held truth behind it. I know she's better off without me so I need to do the same. Selfish, selfish, selfish I thought to myself.

"Fuck!" I groaned to myself. I know making a song about her is going to have people talking once again. But the best way I could get through things is to write my feelings into my music. Maybe I can disguise it to fit any situation without losing its meaning. And that's what I did. I spent the next few hours lost in melody and lyrics I produced. When I grew tired, I shut off my laptop and walked into the living room. Hailey laid snuggled in a blanket as she watched tv.

"Did you write something new?"

"Uh not really, just some melodies." I said, grabbing a glass of water.

"Can I hear it?" I shook my head.

"No, not until I get everything correct. Still have to work out some kinks." I said, drowning down the whole glass before setting it in the sink. I walked over to her snuggling myself in between her and the blanket. She placed a chaste kiss to my forehead before pulling me close into her. That's how we stayed until it was late and our eyes couldn't up any longer. "Let's just stay here for tonight, please?"

"Of course." She whispered and settle her head into the decorative pillow. I stared at completely nothing, just hearing the sound of her breathing. I needed to pull my shit together and dedicate myself to Hailey. Even if it meant forcing my feelings to the deepest core and living life as a soon to be married man.