Look At Them Now: A Jelena Ending

Make It Through

SELENA'S POV

The thought of Justin and I having sex last night has been a dysfunctional carousel embedded in my mind since last night. I tried to put my mind at ease, but every turn I took on that bed and no matter how tightly I closed my eyes the image still remained. Flashes of his fingers trailing my skin, his warm breath against my neck made me shiver involuntarily. It was thrilling; the act of almost getting caught with my ex-boyfriend while we devoured each other whole. That would've been the moment any other women would've felt guilty, but I didn't. If it wasn't for that worker, clothes would've been scattered on the floor while I breathlessly moaned his name against his ear.

Delayed gratification is the best kind of gratification when it comes to sex. My body has been yearning to be touched and not just by anyone, but by him. He was the first person I gave my all to, the one who made every single intimate moment an unforgettable one and how likely is someone else to top that? Slim, unless you get lucky and find someone who knows you inside and out better than you do.

By the time I was capable of getting some shut eye, it was quickly interrupted when my alarm blared in the silent room. I smacked my hand against the pillow beside me, searching for that damn cellular device. Once I found it tucked in between the rustle sheets, I peered with one eye open at the time. 9am was usually the time we'd meet up for breakfast and given how distraught I was last night I put my alarm incorrectly. I mustered up the energy to shoot the guys a text, letting them know I was going to miss breakfast.

You're not missing breakfast because of last night, right?

I shook my head at Justin's response. The truth is I kinda am, but that's not something he needs to know. Besides, I think it would give me the opportunity to explore a little on the island on my own. Texting him a reassuring message that it wasn't because of that, I tossed the phone back on the bed. I went ahead and got ready, a pink halter sundress hugged my body. I let my wavy hair do whatever it wanted as I parted it to the side. I began putting away my daily essentials when my phone started vibrating. I scrunched my nose, curious as to who could be calling when I see Taylor's name sprawled on the screen. Shit. I never ignore her calls unless I'm busy, but she knows there weren't any planned events and she definitely didn't know about this getaway. I answered, putting the phone against the vanity mirror as I continued putting away some things.

"Sel!" She screamed excitedly into the speakers, but then her eyes wandered and she looked at the phone in confusion. "Where are you?"

"Just decided to take some time for myself." I shrugged.

"And you went by yourself?" She arched an eyebrow. I just nodded my head, trying to feed her a truthful smile. She squinted her eyes as though she didn't believe me but decided to let it go. "Did you find out who gave you the flowers?"

"Nope, anonymous." If Taylor finds out Justin brought me those flowers, I'd get a scowl. Her and Justin were good friends at one point but that went to a dead end shortly after our first break up. I don't think they ever got the opportunity to make amends, everything was spit fire after that moment. Sometimes I wish it was easier and that my friends didn't dislike him as much as they do. The feeling of having to keep everything separate because they're afraid I'll come running, a  mess, telling them what they already knew. I hate that feeling. I don't like hiding things that mean something to me and as flawed as our relationship is, he means everything to me.

"I love the idea of a secret admirer, but gosh I hope it's Christian! You guys were great together."

"We weren't anything serious Tay." I deadpanned. It was true. He knew where my heart belonged but I tried so hard to move past it and evidently that still lead me back to Justin. Christian deserves someone who loves him entirely, not someone whose hung up on their ex.

"Well if it wasn't for Bieber, things would be a whole lot easier." She scoffs.

"Taylor." I warned.

"You're my best friend and I'm just being honest. I hate seeing you so fragile and broken because of him," she says in disgust.

"You know how much he means to me."

"I need to know how much you mean to yourself Selena. I get it, he was your first love but it doesn't mean he's your last."

"I think I'm done with this conversation,"

"You're being stubborn," she rolls her eyes.

"No Tay I'm not. I have the ability to choose how I feel or what I do and as much as you guys hate it, he's always going to be a part of me. There's so much history there."

"I just want you to be happy," she sighs and I look down at my fingers. I'm a little angry, not because she's being honest but because a part of me wants to prove to everyone that this time would actually be different. That Justin and I will work on things properly and not like a bunch of teenagers.

"I think it's my choice to make Taylor."

"You're right." She gives in. "I just hope if he ever decides to pop back into your life that you don't just dive into it. That you really sit there and list the pros and cons. I know he's not a bad person, but I haven't seen him do you any good all those years." I nod silently, no longer wanting to open my mouth in case I sound more defensive than I already did. I changed the subject, leading the phone call to an end eventually.

Falling in love is easy.

Falling out of love is harder.

I never quite did and I had to watch the person I'm still in love with, give someone else what I wanted with him. I felt my heart break in pieces from their engagement to their wedding day.

They say your first love is just puppy love, and I guess that's what I would call Nick Jonas. The second love is suppose to be the one you experience everything with. The one you crash and burn with. The one who can put you back together in seconds while also ripping you to shreds. The one where you learn the things you want and the things you don't. That's definitely Justin. Then there's your third. The one you find that fits every criteria, who loves you how you're suppose to be loved and cherish. The thing is, there's no finding the third for me because Justin is my third. It's not a perfect circle, but in his own ways I see how much he loves me. There was just some transformation that needed to happen.

Do I think that it'll be perfect?

Absolutely not.

When you truly love someone and they're not the most despicable person to ever exist, you find it in yourselves to make it through.

Whatever it takes.

This time we'll make it through.

AN:
GAAAAAAH this is a shorter chapter. I wanted to put something out because I've already planned everything from here on out. BUT GOSH DOES THE UNIVERSE LOVE TO TAKE PEOPLE ON A RIDE. It's been a tough three weeks, but here I am! Hope you guys enjoy <3