Look At Them Now: A Jelena Ending

I Have To Be Better

JUSTIN'S POV

I thought marriage would fix my problems. That's what I said — stupid choice of words. But if I said it it's because I meant it, no? I was healing from my past mistakes and still felt lonely as hell. Crumbled pieces of my soul laid out in the surface of my skin screaming to be saved. I thought she would, I thought giving my hand in marriage will be the answer to it all. But why am I still breaking down? Why do I feel like I'm in the midst of destruction, hanging on by a thread?

Why did I think it was okay to call my ex-girlfriend 23 times the night before my wedding. Hoping that she'd lead me towards the right path but no. I got her voicemail 23 times and each time the hope I had was loss little by little. She hates me, she should if she doesn't. I keep running circles in attempt to make things right but only end up in a dead end.

Why was I like this? Why did I feel like I don't have the answers to anything. Some days are better than others where I'm actually content with where I am in life. My wife adores me but I've noticed I haven't given her 100% of myself. She still supports me through it all and I'm trying to give her what she deserves. Yet, I'm still wrapped around Selena's existence. It's not as bad as it was almost a year ago. I was internally driving myself crazy as my head was filled with thoughts about Selena. The more I pushed them away I became numb, a functioning robot giving what I thought was right.

I've seen her she's happy and I'm happy for her, just sometimes wondered if it could've been her. I told myself to stop dwelling on the what ifs but here we go again. It's selfish of me entirely. I love Hailey I really do, but I'm not sure if I'll be enough for her.

I run my finger through my voicemails. Selena did call back, but it was too late. By the time I realized, it was the next morning and I already vowed to love Hailey the night before. I thought it'd be best to not give into it so I left it there, untouched. Now sitting here in my backyard, with a blunt in my hand I'm hesitant to click on it. It may be the closure I need to finally move on from a fever dream. Hailey wasn't home, said she was going to be with Justine today so I took the time to reflect. Now I'm stuck, but it's now or never right?

I clicked the voicemail, quickly setting it to speaker as I immediately heard her soft sigh on the other side.

Justin please, I'm trying here and so should you. Stop calling me, we need to move on. I wish you the best.

As soon as it starter was as soon as it ended. I replayed it, my heart sinking deeper into my chest each time. I gripped the phone in my hand as a small tear ripped through the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped it away and took a pull from my blunt, letting it burn the back of my throat. Never thought she'd be the one that got away but I should take it as a lesson for myself. Playing fire with fire means you'll only get burned in the end. And if you're ever handed a diamond, make sure you treasure the shit out of it before it unintentionally gets lost.

I need to be better. I got up, clipped the blunt and headed inside. It was time I began showing up for Hailey and show her my appreciation. I began putting orders of flowers to be delivered by the time she gets back. I know she preferred homemade dinners so that's what I intend to do.

Hours later I had everything finished. I showered and changed into a pair of black slacks and a black short sleeve button down. It was about 5:15pm as I looked at the clock and positioned myself at the front door with a bouquet of flowers in my hand. I waited there, not moving until I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Moments later the keys jiggled in the door lock as the front door was pushed opened. Hailey looked around, her mouth gaping open as she let out a small chuckle in disbelief.

"Baby what is this?" She said, her grin never leaving her lips as she stood in front of me.

"Just wanted to show some appreciation. Thank you for dealing with me and making me your husband."

"Come here," she said, planting a sweet kiss on my lips. I kissed her back passionately, feeling her lips burn through mine. The flowers dropped on the floor as she hoisted herself onto my waist, my hands moving swiftly to support her under her thighs. I twirled us around as she hung to me laughing. "And you cooked dinner, wow maybe I should've married you a long time ago if it meant you'd be in the kitchen."

"Haha very funny," I said sarcastically, playfully rolling my eyes as I set her down. "How was your day?"

"Same as always. The paparazzi always harassing me with the same things. Justin and Selena this and that," she said waving her hand around as she sighed. I looked down for a second feeling bad that she had to deal with the constant reminder of my past. I cupped her face in between my hands as I kissed her forehead.

"You're my wife, don't listen to them. They're just trying to get a story out of nothing." She nodded her head, grabbing onto my hand as she breathed in my scent. I give it to her though because for this entire time she's been having to deal with all those comments. I usually shut them down when we're together but I can only imagine when she goes out alone. To constantly be reminded of your current significant others ex, is the worst feeling in the world. I would blame her for hating all of it but I'm happy she doesn't let it phase her as much. She's told me she knew what it meant being together and she wouldn't change anything at all.

I took her hand in mine as I lead her to the dinning room table, filled with all her favorites. We sat down, lost in conversation over the plate of food for what seemed like hours. This felt good, to actually love her like she's suppose to. To have my best friend by my side everyday should be enough for anyone. If this is what a second chance at love feels like, then I need to embrace it and move on.

• • •

The next few months were went by like a breeze. I grew more love for Hailey as the days passed. Letting her love me with all of her as I did the same. She was genuinely making me happy, more than I've been in a while. Us getting harassed never stopped though, it only grew more any time something came out with my past. Every single thing I did with Hailey was compared to how I was with Selena and it infuriated me. How can someone get past anything if it constantly gets thrown in their face. You start to grow resentment and anger. Showing your face in public becomes a chore and you don't even feel motivated to show dedication for the fans who are suppose to be supportive of my decision.

I had to set the record straight at one point as the fans started to becoming disrespectful towards my relationship with Hailey. I had enough and had to tell them no matter what happened in the past, Hailey is my wife now and I love her entirely. It took me more healing to fully give my all but now that I am, I still feel like everything is against me and my happiness. Don't even get me started with award shows and events. Hearing Selena's name shouted each time made me tense but I knew I had to be there for Hailey because I wasn't the only one going through it and I had to remember that. Reassurance was what I gave her and I was glad all of us weren't ever in the same setting together, I don't think I would be ready for that.

I hope the moment never comes, but knowing the lifestyle we live it's bound to happen eventually. I just hope when it does, all the progress I have made sticks.

AN: okay I lied, this week has been kicking my behind and what helps me is getting lost in reading and writing. So here it goes, part 6. Enjoy!

Some of the scenes that do happen in the story have been twisted around based on interviews and or allegations. Just enjoy the delusions lol <3

Also I hope I make it clear when the POV switches between Justin and Selena. I usually put a photo when it deals with their POVs for each chapter.