Oblivion (A Black Clover Story)

Thirty-Four

This was the longest bath I'd ever taken. It was both relaxing and unsettling because I had so many feelings to think about. So many events to ponder. So many men...

I sighed as I walked back into Julius' room. He was actually doing paperwork for once. Knowing him, that said a multitude of things. His actions were screaming that he was stressed and wanted to distract himself. In fact he didn't even notice me come back in until I placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jump and splatter a bit of ink on what he was furiously writing by smashing his quill into the paper. "Sorry," I said quietly.

"It's quite alright," he told, setting the paper aside and standing up. "Are you... Ready for bed?"

I nodded nervously. It felt like the first night we were intimate all over again. "Yes. It's been a long day. I want to sleep."

"Me too. Come on, my love."

That was a nickname I hadn't heard in a long time. He used to always call me that after I got pregnant. While it was very much a sick reminder of what we went through back then, I... Didn't hate being called that again. I sighed as I laid in bed next to Julius, my back turned to him. It was an oddly comforting feeling being here like this again. But I wasn't sure how I felt about any of it anymore.

As we laid there, Julius suddenly rolled over and hugged me tightly, pressing his chest to my back. His body was warm. "You have no idea how much it hurt seeing you with Nozel like that," he told suddenly. "It was eating me up inside, knowing that you were enjoying every second of it... That he was loving your body better than I ever could. And yes, I was insecure about that this whole time... Even before you left."

Although I was in shock of the sudden conversation bringing this up again, I obliged him. "I... Broke things off with Nozel long ago. It got messy and I chose William over him."

"Th-that doesn't really make me feel any better," he replied.

"It wasn't supposed to," I spat harshly, remembering then that I told Julius I would at least attempt to mend us. "Well... This might make things worse, but... I should probably tell you that Will and I were having a relationship. I-It was pretty serious but at the same time not. He wanted to officially court me but I didn't want to say yes to such a title yet. I'd told him maybe after we defeat this Eye of the Midnight Sun group, but..."

He flinched. "You... You call him by a nickname?"

"Th-that's what bothers you out of all that?"

He exhaled loudly. "I'm sorry. All of it hurts if you must know. But... You never had a nickname for me."

"Julius please. Enough."

"Right. Iris, I want to start again," he said, sitting up and looking at me seriously. There was a determination that I hadn't seen from him in a long while. "Even though we've been through so much, I want to make it up to you. I will do whatever it takes. Please, give me one more chance."

I gulped. "I... I'm not sure, Julius. Is it really worth it?"

"I want it to be."

"I understand. Let me be frank, though. I very much have feelings for William. And also Nozel. I like both of them very much. If I'm being honest each of them are roughly equal to how I feel about you. Me breaking down during that Captain's meeting today was simply because I was in a vulnerable state. It means nothing," I told harshly.

His mana wavered. "I-It's as you said. It's my own fault that happened. Please let me show you how good of a partner I can be. Let me try to be better. For you."

I sighed. This will surely be a bad idea, but... "Julius, we just had this discussion. Regardless, I'll have you know that the bar is set very high. And no, I won't be helping you by telling you all the nice and considerate things that were done for me. But I'll let you try. I can't guarantee anything." Of course, out of all three men, Nozel is the coldest. Rarely did he do anything nice for me, but he did send me that chocolate rose because he felt bad back then. But out of all of them I felt that we had the deepest mental connection. We know what the other is saying just by our mana, body language, and expressions. William was the most considerate regarding doing things for me and making me feel comfortable. He really is a sweetheart and an amazing partner. And Julius... Is somewhat of a middle ground between both of them. Each of them have their pros and cons. Gods, am I really considering the pros and cons of men?