Glimpse Of Us | JEGULUS

16 | you caged me and then you called me crazy

James spent the next few months keeping his distance from everyone. He was operating in a schedule that kept him busy at all times. Between Qudditch and O.W.L's, he didn't need much help with that. It was easy to excuse his absence, despite everyone's annoyance.

He was even steering clear of Regulus though he wasn't sure that's what it could be called when Regulus wasn't putting any effort into seeing him either. But James wasn't chasing anymore either.

James fell into a chair in the library, immediately pulling out his textbooks and notebooks. Within seconds, the table was covered in his study material. "Is this seat taken?" a voice spoke up and James looked up to find the redhead that he hardly noticed nowadays but had once encompassed his every thought. He shook his head and she took a seat across from him. "What are you working on?"

"A little bit of everything," he replied and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I focus better when I'm learning bits of information from everything."

"You're studying?" Lily asked in confusion and he nodded. "For what?"

He raised an eyebrow as though that were obvious, "For O.W.L's."

"That's not for another few months," she pointed out with a frown, "I've never seen you study for anything more than a few days in advance."

"Are you here to critique my work ethic or are you here to work?" he snapped at the girl. Normally he'd double back and apologize but he didn't bother.

"To work," she said affirmatively, pulling out her own stuff. Lily had never been one to turn her back in a fight. But sometimes it's best to quit while you're ahead. "James, are you okay?"

"What?" he said. His quill had stilled in his head and he looked at the girl, waiting for an explanation.

"It's just..." she trailed off and he raised an expectant eyebrow. "Recently you've been distant," she explained, "And people are worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"Since when did you care?"

She frowned, "I've always cared."

"Really?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. He tapped the end of his quill against the table. "I've been groveling at your feet for the better part of the last five years. Not once did you express that you cared about me. So why now?"

"Well, I..." she trailed off. "You've never really exhibited concerning behavior before."

"Concerning behavior?" he drawled. There was a certain annoyance and disbelief in his tone. All he was doing was focusing more on his work. Why was that a problem? "My doubling down on homework is concerning behavior?"

"It is when you're completely disregarding every other aspect of your life," she informed him, this time more confidently. "You skipped out on going home for the holidays to study. You're rarely seen anymore outside of classes and Quidditch. And your friends-"

"My friends?" he repeated. "They sent you, didn't they? Were they too cowardly to do it themselves?"

"No, James, they didn't send me," she informed him, gathering her belongings. "You know, Potter, you can only push people away for so long before they stop coming back. I hope you remember that."

James frowned as the girl walked away, the words hitting him in a way that he hadn't expected them to. Because he had said the same thing to Sirius back in their first year.

"I like you well enough, Sirius, I really do," James informed the boy, crossing his arms over his chest. "But the more you push me away, the less likely I am to come back. And I know you don't want that."

Sirius narrowed his eyes on the boy, "Because you know me so well, huh?"

The two had come back from their Christmas holiday and Sirius had been acting weird. Peter had opted out of confronting him, deciding to let Sirius take time to himself. James wasn't so patient.

"Yes, I do," he said. "You're my best friend, Sirius. You're my brother. I know you better than I know myself. So stop pushing me away. I want my best friend back."

Those had been the exact words that Sirius had used with him. James stared at the work in front of him as his behavior from the last few months came crashing down around him. He had been cruel and nonchalant. He had been uncaring and unkind. And that was not James.

He slowly began gathering his belongings and putting them in his bag. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and started toward the door when Remus, Sirius and Peter entered. Sirius took one look at the boy and immediately turned around and left. Remus and Peter sent the boy an apologetic look before following after him.

And maybe he was too late to fix any of it.