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140

I shook my leg underneath the desk as I waited for class to end. I unknowingly kept checking the time.

As soon as class ended, I was going to run to my room and take another look at my memories of the past. I had told myself last night that my past life didn’t have any meaning now and I didn’t need to look at it anymore. I had promised myself that I’d stop, but I had already decided to look again.

I never wanted to go back to the past. But they were too powerful to me to be forgotten.

All of my responsibilities, the ones that I’d thrown aside, were still there. All of my attachments were still there. My sadness, my pain, and my struggles were all there. All of the wants and wishes that I’d never had to the chance to accomplish.

I couldn’t just let it go.

“Shushu, Shushu?”

“Ah, uh. Why?”

I was deep in thought, mouth open, when I began focusing on Hestia’s voice.

“Why are you so out of it these daaaays?”

To be honest, Hestia had been chattering by my side from earlier but I had ended up losing my concentration from a certain point. I think it was because I had become immersed in my memories of my past.

During our break after classes, Hestia had continued to chat with me, but I hadn’t responded.

“I didn’t blank out. Swordsmen don’t blank out.”

I responded guiltily, apologetic.

“Is there something going on these days? You look incredibly depressed, Shushu.”

“There’s nothing.”

“….. Liar.”

“I’m more tired than depressed. I haven’t been able to sleep well.”

Hestia worried as she brushed my messy bangs and tucked a bit of my hair behind my hair, concern evident on her face. I was grateful and apologetic towards Hestia’s worry, but all I could do was smile awkwardly.

“….I’ll be going for now.”

Yesterday, I had fallen asleep while I watched myself and my youngest sibling watching Spongebob. I wanted to hurry up and go back to the dorms, so I headed out first.

I would’ve liked to go with Hestia, but her next class was different from mine. Hestia grabbed at my clothes, so I patted her hair a few times before lifelessly walking away. My shoulders grew heavier and heavier the more I looked through my memories.

“Shushu…!”

I could hear Hestia calling my name from behind me, but I wasn’t in the mood to respond verbally. Hestia seemed to worry about my recent dark mood.

I tried my best to smile as wide as I could towards her, but I didn’t know if my smile did the job.

____________________

I drew the black magic dimension circle in the air again and slapped it on the back of my hand. I had drawn it so many times by now that I could draw it in my sleep.

[Dimension.]
“405, 294, 248.”

I poured in my magic and muttered the activation chant. I laid out the exact location, time, and situation that I wanted to see in that far away dimension. Last time, I had accidentally wrote out the wrong location and had ended up in the African wilderness. I’d basically ended up in a live documentary.