Illusion of my dreams

Braided hair

I emptied the glass of water within only a few single sips but still felt as if I was missing something.

I could feel his hands on my body, groping. I cupped my face with shame. Was it my fault?

I felt the screwdriver inside of me, his hands grasping my collarbones whilst digging his nails into my bare skin.

The look in his brown eyes, I would never forget how much pain i was going trough that night. I quickly ran to my room trying to suck in my tears. My knees gave in and I fell to the floor, tears sliding down my face. I looked around the room, letting my eyes wander of to my suitcase.

I crawled over to my luggage and zipped it open, inspecting the inside. I opened the little pocket on the left and my eyes met the blade.

I knew that I promised to stay clean but I had no choice, at this moment I had to feel something.

I slowly pulled the small knife out of its pocket and rolled up my stained sleeve.

I was shaking with fear as I let my eyes trail around my skin, seeing all the damage I've done before.

I sighed trying to grow calm again.

Before I knew it I had already carved a deep line into my raw skin, blood dripping down. I sobbed as I let the blade collect my blood. I deserved this didn't I?

I watched how the blood started dripping down my hands falling onto the carpeting. " what the fuck." I mumbled to myself feeling embarrassed about myself. " what's my problem?" I scoffed.

I slowly slid the blade further up my wrist continueing to allow it to cut my skin.

Blood was falling so we're tears. My hair was a tangled mess from yesterday but so was my mind.

It hurted but it made me feel so much better, as if something was healing inside of me even though I knew it was only growing badder.

I couldn't stand Bill, he ruined my life! I angerly stood up, throwing the blade back into my suitcase and left the room.

I instantly went over to the bathroom to take a shower, a lame attempt to wash his hands of me. I threw my shirt off and let my pants fall to the floor with a loud thud. I entered the shower and turned on the cold water. I felt the drops on my skin and inhaled. The cuts were tingling as water invaded my skin. My hands started rubbing my body trying to feel cleaner after what had happened last night. I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed but I couldn't get his touch of me. His scent, his fingertips, his hair. He had taken something precious away from me just like that, as if it ment absolutely nothing.

Suddenly I noticed some red holes in my arm. " huh?" I asked myself as I took a closer look.

Those weren't damn scars from blades, they were from an injection. I got a bit freaked out as I looked even closer. There were lots and lots of small holes making me concerned. They were hurting too.

I continued to rub my skin until it started bleeding as well. I slid down onto the shower floor and let the water fall onto my bruised face.

I cried, I was clueless. I had no idea how to move on from this. Annsophie was busy, I had lost contact with all of my relatives in Belgium, I was alone. Blood was slowly running down the shower and so were salty tears.

My rubbed skin started itching as more water seeped trough.

I groaned in pain being to exhausted to exit the shower. I let my head hang and felt the water on my back, slowly sliding down to my legs.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my door and at the same time another flash was audible.

My mind started racing as my eyes shot open trying to catch the camera.