Illusion of my dreams

The abused becomes the abuser

My eyelids slowly opened and the room was dark, the curtains closed. I groaned whilst pushing myself up, scanning the area. My head was spinning and exhaustion filled my body even though I had just experienced the best sleep of my life.

It was just the feeling of Laure being gone that was lingering over my body which caused me to get tired.

Without her I couldn't concentrate at all and it was hard for me to do simple chores.

I managed to get out of bed and noticed the moon shining trough the curtains straight onto the bed which it's blankets were ruffled by my sleeping body.

I quickly sauntered out of my room and dragged myself down the stairs for some coffee to keep me awake. As I arrived downstairs I noticed the livingroom being empty and no sounds were being made, only my feet quietly tiptoeing over to the door.

I carefully opened the tall door and entered the warm livingroom which was now completely silent and peaceful since no other person was around, just me and my mind.

I walked over to the counter and sat down.

Immediately a tear rolled down my face. I've never experienced this type of pain and it hurted my heart each time I reminded myself of Laure's death.

I couldn't help but shed tears as she entered my mind. I quietly sobbed into my palms as all our dearest memories together replayed infront of me. How we always laughed during school and how we lunched together.

How we used to have deep late night talks at the beach and go on walks together.

Everything was so perfect until we moved here.

We both had a dream we wanted to fulfil here in the bright city of Tokyo but turned out Tokyo isn't that bright city we dreamed of.

Instead it was a living hell.

I'm not lying when I tell you this place changed me forever. I'm not the girl I used to be. Laure and I were absolutely the happiest before we moved here.

This place ruined us.

It ruined our mental health. Laure didn't even get the chance to fulfil her childhood dreams she had been cherishing for so long and now I was left all alone to fulfil my own. I lost all my hope and had given up on life.

I was ready to go now.

At this point I could just unalive myself right away but something was stopping me, someone. Bill was the only person who could keep me going right now. If he switches up on me, I'm gone.

I will disappear and never be heard of again.

My heart shattered even more as I cried into my palms. I looked up at the time and the clock showed 2:00 am. I sighed as I noticed how late it was. Now I understood why no one was around.

My palms were covered with my tears and I grunted in pain before standing back up.

I was anxious, panicked and in intense pain.

My heart felt heavy and no one was able to understand what i was feeling. I paced around the room, thoughts rushing trough my crowded mind whilst I walked.

The alcohol was already out of my system so I could feel everything was my intenser than when I was numbed with alcohol.

I didn't know what to do anymore and Laure was hovering over me. My knees gave in and I crumbled down onto the floor.

Tears rolled down my stained cheeks as I tried getting back up. I haven't eaten and I felt so miserable. I didn't even have the strength to stand up so I continued to cry in my palms whilst curling up into a ball.