This chapter may have some topics that might be a bit personal. If so please skip it. If you choose to keep reading proceed with caution. Enjoy:)
We have been posting flyers all over hell for three hours now. Nonstop Alastor keeps trying to start a conversation but I just ignore him.
Besides, I'm way too in my head right now to conversate. I've been feeling really depressed lately like the numbness has taken over any normal thought I have.
Some things I learned over time about severe depression is you begin to lose all motivation to try the things you used to love doing. Like I don't make as many ducks as I used to.
You think there is no point to anything and you might even engage in some dumb choices. Like for example drugs and alcohol maybe even sex.
No matter how many people you sleep with or how drunk you get the feeling never goes away. It consumes you sometimes. You might even try to push it further.
I mean obviously you can't die twice but you can sure as hell try. It's a weird way to lose self respect but you can't stand being in this world any longer.
I mean I've been here for centuries and I can't find out how to get rid of this feeling, nothing has ever worked well besides being forgiven by my little princess.
I feel so alone sometimes. When Charlie moved out it was the worst day of my life. My little bat was leaving the cave and I just had to sit by and let her go.
Sometimes she would invite me for holidays and other normal get-togethers but because I feel like a failure I never attempted to attend any of them. I felt left out even though I caused the feeling.
I was so upset with myself. I would hold our family pictures, soaking them with my tears. I'm scared no one will want me anymore and just toss me away like they did years ago.
I know I'm trying, at least I think I do. I'm not so sure I believe I am but at least I know what I am supposed to believe in.
I know one thing is for certain I will not waste this second chance with my daughter. I will do anything and everything to make our relationship stronger.
“Luci you seem to be deep in thought, is something troubling you?”
“Nothing you can fix deer.”
“Hmm well why don't you try a smile, it usually looks good on you.”
“Wait what? You like my smile?”
“Yes it is very welcoming.”
“Oh well thank you I guess.”
“My pleasure, your highness.”
I begin to smile for some reason. Maybe he is right, a smile might just fix everything or just give off the illusion that I am okay.
