Kavita's Submission [COMPLETED]

Chapter 35

Kavita's POV

"Main jaanta tha maine aapki madat kyun ki."

I toss and turn on my bed and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to force the words—that Anirudhji said to me—out of my mind.

"Main aapko akele chhodke nahi jana chahta, Kavitaji. Kamse kam tab tak nahi jab tak aap khud mujhe jaane ke liye na kahein."

A clench rises in my heart and I feel my eyes tearing up.

"Main aapse pyaar karta hoon, Kavitaji."

I sit up on the bed, knowing I won't be able to get any sleep tonight too.

It has been four days since Anirudhji said those words to me. Yet, I still remember each word he said to me. I remember how he looked at me. I remember how he smiled while saying those words to me. As if a heavyweight has left his heart after letting his feelings out in the open.

Sighing deeply, I blink away the tears, wiping the ones that escaped.

Along with remembering how Anirudhji smiled when he confessed his feelings to me, I also remember how his smile had faltered when I told him his feelings were inappropriate. I also remember the devastated look marring his face when I told him I harbored no such feelings for him.

"Mujhe maaf kardijiye, Anirudhji," I whisper, feeling as if someone is choking me and not letting me breathe properly.

Getting down from the bed, I walk to the window, hoping to get gulps of air so I could lessen the restlessness I felt at the moment.

The sky is pitch dark today. Not one star in sight. Even the moon seems to be hiding behind the clouds.

I can't help but realize this is the same darkness I feel within me.

Taking another shuddering breath, I remember the exact moment I myself pushed away the happiness knocking at my heart, plunging it into a pool of deep darkness.

"Yeh aap kaisi baat kar rahe hain, Anirudhji?" I say, standing from the sofa, taking deep breaths to calm my thundering heartbeat.

"Jo sach hai woh aapko bata raha hoon, Kavitaji." Anirudhji also stands up.

"Anuchit hai yeh, Anirudhji. Aapko koi haq nahi ki aap mujhse yeh sab kahein," I tell him, ignoring the protests my heart was screaming at me.

"Kyun haq nahi hai?" He steps towards me but I move back.

Sighing, he halts in his track. "Bataiyye mujhe, Kavitaji. Mujhe kyun haq nahi hai ki main aapse apni mann ki baat kahun?"

"Kyunki...," I trail off, unable to think of any reason.

"Kyunki?" He presses, arching his eyebrows at me.

Unable to gaze into his questioning eyes, I turn away from him, trying to blink back my tears.

It's hard when you think it's impossible for your dreams to come true. But it's harder when those dreams come true but you have to push it away, making yourself adrift of the happiness that came along with it.

"Aap mujhse nazrein kyun chura rahi hain?" Anirudhji asks.

I take a deep breath and slowly turn to him, preparing myself to push the light that had come to my life after so many months of darkness.

"Nazrein nahi chura rahi thi. Bas apne aapko taiyyar kar rahi thi woh baat kehne ke liye jo mere mann mein hai."

At my words, I see a hopeful look flickering in Anirudhji's eyes. It crushed me to know that my next words would crush that hope.