Little bird with broken wings.(SWS+ATL+PTV)

It hurts

I woke up to the sound of crying and realized I fell asleep. Looking at the time to see if Kellin and Kate should be back I realized I only slept for maybe half an hour. I went to Cope's room and changed her before shushing her. She fell back asleep after a while and I made sure her window was closed so she wouldn't get too cold. Stepping into the hall I closed the door behind me and headed downstairs. I stopped in my room for my guitar and was headed downstairs when I heard Cope crying again. I walked back into her room and saw her she didn't need to be changed and Kate said she wouldn't need to be fed for another few hours. Sighing in exasperation I have up on trying to get her to fall asleep. She made cute baby noises looking at me through the bars of her crib. I had an idea and pulled a chair from the corner to beside her bed. I picked up my guitar and hummed before singing a lullaby and when she wasn't asleep I tried the one my dad would sing to me before I left. She yawned and her big eyes closed. I smiled and put the chair back before heading down stairs. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Kellin that everything is fine here, knowing he worries, then settled onto the couch with my guitar in my lap. The pain that was always seemingly present in my chest became noticeable. I shook my head as thoughts of cutting came to my mind. Deciding I would be too distracted to write I walked upstairs and put my guitar up with my notebook in hand I laid it in a drawer where I had placed my underwear earlier. Sitting on my bed I stared at the wall. I felt my wrist itch for the first time ever and knew that it's going to be harder to quit than I thought. I scratched at my wrist and my thighs burned under my pajama pants. I felt tears spring to my eyes. Would they even notice? I mean I don't think they notice I never gained any weight from the bony mess that I was. What if I just did it once? Just to get the feeling to go away. I need to call someone. Not Kellin I don't want him to worry while he's out. So either Alex, Vic, or Tony. I heard my phone buzzing from my night stand and picket it up. I sighed into the phone. "Kellin told me he was out and wanted me to check on you." Vic's voice rang through the phone. "Are you okay?" He asked and I sighed again, "Do you want the truth?" I asked and he immediately said yes. "No. It hurts so much. It's so much worse than when I quit the first time. My thighs burn and even my wrist itch. The pain is unbearable." I said as I felt myself start to break down. I heard him sigh then doing something that sounded like typing. I heard my laptop make a little ding noise and saw he was skyping me. I answered and there he was full of concern. I pulled my pillow from behind me and hugged it to me.

"It hurts so bad." I whispered. I saw him nod. "I know sweetie." He said in a sad voice. "It kills me to see you like this and know there's nothing I can do about it." He said and I watched as he put his head in his hands. "You are sitting here at almost midnight watching me cry about stupid problems. That's all I can ask of you." I said and he looked up at me. "Your problems aren't stupid, Wren. You are very beautiful, talented, sweet girl. You are just broken. I know it hurts but hurting yourself is only going to make it worse. You may never be fixed completely but, you can make it through this to a time where you alright." He said and I felt my chest hurt even worse. I felt tears freely falling down my checks and I hugged my pillow. Vic looked torn. "I could call Kellin if you want? I'd offer to drive out but chances are he would be there before me." He offered but I shook my head. "No il be okay till he gets here. He will be here in a little less than half an hour." I said and he nodded sadly. I heard Cope cry from the next room and waved at Vic. "That's my cue. I'll call you in the morning okay. Love you, Vicky." I said making him smile. "Love you too little bird." I closed my laptop and walked into Copeland's room. I changed her before singing her to sleep with tears every present in my eyes. I thought back to the little girl I saved the day I joined tour. I felt pain in my chest remembering how her mother treated me when I gave her her missing daughter. I made sure Cope was asleep and headed back into my room. Pulling my door closed I checked the time and realized they could come home any minute. I rubbed my bare arms but, not because it was cold because my wrist still itched terribly. I heard the door open and close along with laughter. Kate walked by not long after then Kellin opened my door. I looked at him tears still streaming down my face. He closed my door and stepped over to my bed before pulling me into him. "It's going to be hard on all of us. I know you are hurting but, it's killing me Vic, Alex, and the rest of the guys to watch you hurt. Only a few of us know why but, we all know you are in pain. We all wish we could take it away." I pulled away and he brushed my tears with his thumbs. He kissed my forehead and tucked me in. I'm not sure how long he sat with me before or after I fell asleep but, the pain dulled a little when I recognized that he actually cared about me.