Abused and Unloved~

*

JESSICA!" His voice boomed like a clap of thunder or a firework explosion, and it was getting closer.

Kaylee unlocks the door and swings it open, and even though she is standing right next to me my mother, unaccompanied by hesitation, smacks me straight across the face. My sister gasps not expecting it as I lose my balance, not anticipating it either.

I predicted they'd wait until Kaylee was at least out of the room.

My mom begins to shout at Kaylee to go upstairs along with other incoherent things while my stepdad yanks me by my hair and slams me into the familiar rickety punishment chair. The blows started to come in from all angles and for some reason my skin felt incredibly tender making each hit feel a million times worse.

I get a smack and aggressive face grab, "You could have gotten killed—" Punch right to the gut partially blocked, "You were staying with strangers—" A backhanded slap calling my attention, "You took Kaylee with you—" Hair pulled, forced eye contact, "If you guys would have gotten hurt do you know what we would have to do?"

Their faces were so close to mine I could smell the alcohol on their breath.

"Kill me..?" I mumble through the pain that was radiating all over my face.

"No. We would have to kill the person who hurt you then punish you." I blink tiredly taking short staggered breaths trying to breathe around the subsequent blows handed to my abdomen.

"Mommy... do you love me?"

My eye would definitely bruise, my cheeks would pink up as well, and it felt like there was a cut that was present but mostly numb. Even so I managed to look her straight in the eyes and choke out the question.

She caught my stare and her face went froze for a moment, slightly softening, and for a split second I could see the old her. I could see the woman who raised me, the woman who cuddled with me when I had a bad dream, the one that got me ice cream when I had a bad day, or gave me kisses just because she felt like it. And as fast as it came, it left, but I could still see it's shadow.

"I'm done with her." She pushes off of me and looks anywhere but in my eyes.

She was letting me go? I hadn't even slipped into unconsciousness yet.

"What do you mean?" My stepdad questions just as confused as I was. "Untie her." He started to untie me still lost.

"Oh I get it. You wanna whip her." He notes with realization. I groan throwing my head back.

The whip was among the worst of their choice weapons— the pain, the marks, they last an eternity.

"No I do not."
"Drown her?"
"No."
"Gut her?"
"What? No."
"Throw her out the window?"

I squint at him with my mouth agape. Did he just have these ideas floating in his mind for a rainy day?

"No Christian."
"Shoot her?"
"Enough! We're not hurting her."

I look at my mom completely bewildered. What was she planning? Was she going to drive me to an alley so other people could beat me up? Or drive me to a ditch in the middle of nowhere and leave me there?

I guess if they're really in the mood to be creative that's a good way to go.

"Are we driving her somewhere? Cause if we are, give me a second to cover my seats so she doesn't get blood on them."

I roll my eyes at how painstakingly well I knew them and their thought processes, as he pulls his keys from his pocket.

"No Christian. We're giving her a break tonight." My eyes widened in absolute disbelief.

It may sound naive, it may sound idiotic and way too hopeful, but could there be a chance that my mother still actually loved me? That she actually cared about me and missed me?

"Excuse me?" He scratches his head lost, "I don't think I heard you right." He waits for her to speak again and so do I.

"Beating her every night isn't good for her. I'm giving her a break." Now she cares about what's good for me? Beating me all those years wasn't good for me.

"On the night that she gets back from sneaking out, kidnapping our daughter, sleeping at a stranger's house, hiding Kaylee, and running away from us— with a boy, I might add. You decide to give her a break?"

I couldn't argue how valid his points were, if there was ever a night that warranted punishment it was tonight, but I was going to keep my mouth closed and not self-sabotage.

"Yes. Enough. Let go of her." I didn't realize he was holding onto my arms firmly keeping me in place.

He reluctantly releases his violent grip on me.

I look down at my irritated wrists searching for the joke, searching for the plot twist that would bring them back to their wicked ways. I glance back up at her and she was staring at me, her daughter, in sympathy.

I couldn't resist hugging her. What if this was me getting her back? She holds my head so that it's close to her.

Holy shit. I couldn't tell if this was actually happening. I was experiencing complete derealization, it felt like I was stuck in some fever dream.

I let go of her slightly and look at her face, "Mom I do—" I hear a shot and feel it soon after piercing my side. My grip on her loosened as I slowly lost feeling in my legs and slipped down to the floor seeing the all too familiar pretty black dots swarming my vision.

"Christian!" My mom yells but in my ears it sounds fuzzy and faint, almost fake.

"I thought that's what you wanted me to do! I really thought that's what you were hinting at!" His shouting sounds about as far away as hers did.

"I told you no."
"I thought it was for Kaylee."

I was taking another shot for Kaylee?

Their arguing gets quieter and quieter and im plunged entirely into a black abyss.

Ten feet. All I had to do was give myself ten feet.