His Song

Chapter 13: I'm Sorry

Brendan's P.O.V.

I wake up on Saturday and check the time: 9:47 a.m. On my phone were a few text messages from Brianna.

BB: You still up for church or nah?

BB: If you're asleep it's ok

I decided to text her back because the service hasn't started yet.

Me: Hey. Sorry. I slept in. I need to stay home anyway

BB: It's ok. Just come over to my house later if you can

I started typing on my phone screen, 'I don't know. I need help, but Helena seems mad at me. My dangerous habit is slowly coming back.' I erased it all and just sent a meaningless 'Ok.'

I walk downstairs to see a note on the kitchen table.

Brendan,

Your dad and I went to church. We didn't want to wake you and we figured you would go with Brianna. (I really like her!) We're staying after to help with an outreach. Keep the door locked. If anyone knocks, DO NOT let them in! If it's Brianna and/or her family, go ahead. I trust them more than anyone else on this road.

Love You!Mom

I put the note back on the table and walk back up to my room without even locking the front door.

I close the door to my bedroom and look at the pencil sharpener blade. It was worn out and covered in dried-up blood, so this certainly wouldn't do. I found another in my sketching kit and took the blade out with a small screwdriver.

I slide the blade across my index finger gently. I look at my finger; the skin got cut. Perfect.

I look at my arms; the scars were almost completely gone.

I moved the sharp blade across my left wrist slowly which drew some blood.

I did it again, but more quickly. It stung for a bit, but the pain suddenly went away. I kept doing it over and over.

I look at my arms and tears start forming in my eyes. What have I done?

Brianna's P.O.V.

We get home from church and Brendan calls me. I answer it immediately. "How'd you sleep?" I didn't get a reply. I just got sobs.

"Brendan, are you okay?"

He hesitates then says, "You need to come over here quick. I screwed up."

"How?"

"Just come over here. The door's unlocked." Then he hangs up.

I look at my dad then say, "I need to go to Brendan's."

"Why? To go make out with him?"

"Daddy, this is important!"

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. He called me and he was crying."

"It's because he misses you." He put a smart-alloc tone on the words 'misses you.'

I was getting furious. "You don't understand! He was crying on the phone telling me he screwed up."

Amy walks out of their bedroom and says, "B, go to Brendan's." I nod and run out the door and down the street to Brendan's house. I kept running. I didn't stop. Something seemed seriously wrong.

I got to his house and open the front door. I yelled, "Brendan!" I shut the door and look around because I've never been to his house. I found a stairwell and run up it while trying not to slip. I yell his name again and see a door cracked open with the light on. I walk in and see Brendan curled up against one of his walls with his knees up to his face, arms wrapped around, and face buried into his legs.

I run over to him and he looks up at me with red, tear-filled eyes. "Brendan, what's wrong?" I ask. Brendan puts his legs down and shows me something I didn't want to see: his arms were covered in cuts and dried blood. No. This can't be happening. He can't be doing this.

I bent down to his sitting-on-the-floor level and cup my hands around his face. I wipe the tears coming down his face with my thumbs. "Brendan...why?"

He hesitates then says trying not to sob, "Our night was ruined. Helena saw me almost kiss you and she's pissed off at me."

Tears start forming in my eyes. "Helena has a history of bad boyfriends. She either doesn't want me to get my heart broken like she did or she wants to stir up drama."

"Well, what does your dad think?"

"I have no clue how he found out because I told him I needed to come over here and he assumed that I was going to make out with you."

 Brendan smiles a little and I hit his leg playfully. I continue, "But seriously, you can't do this to yourself. You probably don't realize it, but you're slowly killing yourself."

"Brianna, I do realize it."

I crawl over beside him and lay my head on his shoulder. He whispers to where I could hear a little, "I'm sorry." I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears rolled down my face and I started to sob. He wraps his arm around me for comfort and kisses the top of my head. I still cry and he lays the back of his head on the wall and cries with me. Brendan says inbetween sobs, "Brianna, I'm so sorry." This can't be happening to me.

~~~

I left about an hour later when my dad texted me asking where I was at. Brendan "crossed his heart" when he said that he swore he was never going to hurt himself ever again.

John and Adrienne (you know, Brendan's parents) pull in as I'm leaving. I tell them what happened. The whole time I was telling the story, Adrienne had tears falling and John just stood there in shock.

I also suggested that Brendan should stay home from school tomorrow, in fear that he will be pushed to hurt himself again. I was worried about him. He shouldn't have to commit self-harm to make everything better.