Missing Things - FIRST DRAFT

the missing thing

Carl hung out at the coffee shop until closing. He drank herbal tea, made small talk with Krista, and stared at the art on the walls.

There was all new art now. Leandra was selling a painting called A Life In Transition. The leftmost part of the canvas was in shades grey. The colour transitioned across the canvas until the rightmost side was covered in a rainbow of colours.

A group of almost unnoticeable multicoloured dots meandered across the canvas. Carl had at first thought that they were accidental paint splatters, but as he stared at the canvas, he saw that they were placed deliberately. They started on the monochrome side, contrasting with the grey then moved across the canvas until they blended in with the full spectrum side.

"Are you going to help me close up?" Kristas asked. "Or should I put a caution barrier around you so you can stare at Leandra's painting while I sweep?"

Carl smiled. "I'll help you close up," he said. "What do you need me to do?"

"You can help me put the chairs up," Krista said.

Carl set about putting the chairs on the tables. It was quiet in the shop. Krista had turned off her playlist once the last customer had left. It felt like the end of something.

"Do you get sad at the end of the day, when you're closing up?" Carl asked.

"No, not really, not anymore," Krista said. She was wiping down the espresso machine. "I used to. I would close up and feel like it was a small death. The death of the day. And I would mourn it in a small way as I cleaned up and put things away. Marlene, who's a member of the collective, did a series of paintings of empty malls. She would wait until after opening hours to paint the malls, but to make sure she had time and wasn't kicked out, she would sit in the mall and wait for it to close and for everyone to leave. She said that watching all the workers leave felt like an evacuation or an exodus, and the sound of all the stores closing their shutters and doors was eerie. And I think that's why her series feels as sad and tragic as it does."

"Maybe that's why Romero set Night of the Living Dead in a mall," Carl said. "The mall feels like living death after it closes."

"And here I thought it was a statement about capitalism," Krista said, smiling. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," Carl said. "Why? Do I not seem fine?

"You seem to be a bit disconnected."

"I've had a bit of a strange day, but I'm fine now." Carl looked back at A Life in Transition. "I need to decide something."

"Is it about your job or about your life?"

"About my life," Carl said. "I need to decide if I keep doing what I'm doing or take a chance, but I'm not sure which option is taking a chance and which is playing it safe." He sighed. "I found out that a coworker I had feelings for — still have feelings for — has feelings for me. I lost touch with this coworker. We drifted apart a bit. And I don't know if pursuing that relationship would be going backwards or going forwards. I want to take a chance and see where it takes me, but it also feels like I would be going backwards to a familiar place where I've been before."

"I see," Krista said. "Do you want wisdom, advice, or observation? Or nothing at all?"

Carl turned around to face Krista. "Maybe a bit of all of that?"

"Well, then, my bit of wisdom is that the arrow of time always moves forward. You can't go backward. If you pursue this relationship, it won't be the same relationship you had before. You can't go back to that."

"I know."

"Good. Now, my piece of advice is that you need to ask yourself if not pursuing this is something you can live with. Will this create a hole in your life that you'll never be able to fill? Will you forever mourn a thing that never was?"

"I don't know."

"OK. So now, my observation. You've been looking for something since the first day you walked into this coffee shop. I could tell something was missing from your like. You were looking for a connection, and I think you found that connection with me and Leandra and Neil, but by the way you looked at Faded Memory and at the Star Series, I knew that there was something else you were missing. There was something deeper and more fundamental that you were looking for. Some connection that had been there at one time and that you wanted back. And I think that this connection to this coworker was the thing that you were looking for."

"Are you going to start singing I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For now," Carl said, with a small laugh.

"Don't be cute," Krista said. "You know I'm right."

"I know. But why is this making me feel sad?"

"Because it's the end. The fantasy relationship, the longing for the place that doesn't exist anymore, that's finished. Now you need to move forward into reality and take a chance. Put away childish things and all that." Krista smiled and picked up her things. "Now, today has also come to an end, and you need to leave."