I'd Excuse Murder | Santana Lopez

5

A/N: Who's here?

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"Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Mr. Schuester asked, looking around his classroom as the bell rang.

Puck jogged into the room and dropped his book bag beside an open chair. He smiled when he noticed Valerie was only a chair in front of him, leaning forward to wrap his enormous arms around her shoulders.

"So, I have the house this weekend." He whispered in her ear. "If you want to come over again and—"

He grunted as a shoe hit him on the back of the head. Startled by the assault, Puck looked around and untangled his arms from Valerie, finally allowing her to lean down and check on her son in his pillow.

"He discovered America!" Brittany grinned.

"Close." Mr. Schuester looked around. "He did write an iconic chart topper...Sailing."

"I have a bad feeling about this." Kurt crossed his legs, flexing his bare foot at Mercedes, when the girl smirked at Puckerman's confused face. He leaned back and wiggled his fingers with the girl, who in turn nodded to Brenda's proud salute across the room.

"God bless women." Brenda uttered with a hand over her heart.

"Never heard of him." Tina crossed her arms and leaned into her boyfriend. "Don't want to hear about him."

"Now, some people think of the term Easy Listening as a bad thing, but I'm going to let this music speak for itself." Mr. Schuester continued as he always did, ignoring the thoughts of his students. "You guys love Lady Gaga and the Rolling Stones. And you guys are really good about putting it all out there!"

Santana snorted. "Some of us more than others." She glanced behind a few seats over where Valerie was sitting and smirked when their eyes met.

"Whore." Valerie coughed, crossing her legs under her innocently as she sat next to her son to avoid Puck's wandering hands on her body. "Jax, look."

The boy stared at the toy in his mother's hand. He reached out and giggled, taking it and chewing on the head with a goofy smile.

"It doesn't have to attack an audience, it can let them come to you!"

Finn slowly raised his hand. "How could you get caught between the moon and New York City?"

"Jesus." Valerie exchanged a look with Brenda.

"They're like a hundred miles apart."

Kurt raised his hand before anyone could be pained with answering such a question and said, "Mr. Schue? If I may."

Mr. Schuester glanced around, chest fallen, when he noticed how annoyed his students looked.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky smooth Adult Contemporary, it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand that this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club performs a baby by...wait for it...Ms. Britney Spears!"

At that, multiple students gasped in excitement. There was a spurt of quick side conversation until they were reigned back into focus by their teacher's waving hands.

"No, no, no." Mr. Schuester shook his head. "Sorry, Kurt, but no. I don't think she's a very good role model."

"Didn't you bring a fifty-year-old alcoholic into a public high school?" Brenda asked, pouting in her seat as Quinn cooed in her ear. She smiled at something her girlfriend whispered, turning her head and kissing her cheek.