Wildflowers

endings

A BONUS CHAPTER.

Alexandra.

I graduated college in performance arts with a film-making course when I was twenty-two. I knew I wanted to be an actor since I was thirteen and there was nothing in the way.

Obviously, I had part-taken in a few short movies. Castings were going well for me as a beginner, who started to become more serious about that.

What my heart also desired was traveling, to see the world- the countries, food, cultures, people, and languages, to breathe different air. I wanted it so badly.

Myles with his bachelor's degree in music, a songwriter with a diploma, grinned widely at my dreams. He became really serious about The Sun. Myles Darden knew he would become a rockstar. Lana, do you hear that? My boyfriend is in a band!!!

So I took time off and traveled. on the roads or on the plane with Roman, Camryn, Lucas, Cassian, and sometimes with Myles and Bree too. And my sister!!! I took her to Paris. She met a guy there, shaking my head.

My soul felt clean and so light. Perfect.

I thought I had lost him too. Just like I lost my brother when I was twenty. Grandma, Toby died. I hope you're keeping him safe and happy up there. I know you never met each other but he was my precious thing, he was half of me, please keep him with you.

Two years after that I struggled the hardest. If I had had a taste of grief before, then now it killed me. I became a woman I don't recognize. But I always loved change, right?

The new breezes in other countries reminded me that I was alive.

Myles almost left me. The fight we had almost destroyed us.

I was wearing a short flowy white dress and my black boots. The summer night was chilly and it was biting at my skin. The end of June was supposed to be warmer, but I needed my black jacket for that. At twenty-five, in a new skin, a new woman, my life had changed.

The book in my hand was thick and heavy. It was a long book, but God it kept me on my toes, so sad. I always loved sad things, right? sad endings, sad characters, sad words.

My hair was long and dark, lying down on my back as I walked up to the bench. I got us green and yellow ice cream.

sitting down next to Myles, I handed him one.

"Myles, I'm pregnant," I said.

He didn't believe me, just smiling and then turning his gaze back to the sea. We were back in Waverly, the Colewell beach. I wanted to tell him here since this was the place that brought us together.

When I didn't have the hint of smirk ghosting on my face, my lips not turned up at the corners, he got it.

His eyes changed.

Taking my hand he held it, not letting go.

swallowing, he couldn't utter a word.

I knew him.

I loved him.

And I knew nothing could ever change that love he had for me.

But the sad girl I used to be as a child and in my teen years, nudged me in the rib, and in a whisper, she asked that maybe he doesn't want that, maybe this chases his love away, maybe this isn't what he would ever want.

Myles had a career going on, they were growing bigger and more popular. There were fanpages being created, people asking for pictures.

Would having a fucking kid be able to be squeezed in that all?

Myles' eyes shone and then they got serious, in a flash there was a tear in his eye, and in a whisper, he asked if it was real.

I never wanted kids. I knew that it would kill me.

I began crying because it wasn't supposed to go like this.

Me being a mom isn't a thing, it can't be real.

I would inevitably fuck this kid up, fuck it up, and I hated it.

I still had my period. The last few months they were a bit irregular, but I didn't mind. Bit cramping.

It was too late.

You can't have an abortion after three months of pregnancy, they won't allow it.

Too fucking late.

"Myles, what do I do?" I began sobbing.

And he held me.

He held me every time.

not once leaving my side.

Imagine my horror when I found out that it was a kid but two. Fucking twins.

Lots of therapy in addition to my usual sessions. reading. meditation. breathing, talking.

and then my boys were born. I love them more than I have ever loved anyone else. I was a mother.

It all felt sickenly perfect. I was still in love with Myles, I had him. and I had KIDS with him.

I hated 'too perfect', but I loved my three Darden boys more than anything.