Unwanted Redemption (Hawks x Reader)

Chapter 10 - Separation Anxiety

TW: Sh, Thoughts of Sh, panic attacks, su!c!dal thoughts.

I hadn't known that I was anxious until it became too much. Sitting at the dinner table I ate nothing, even though there was an entire feast in front of me.

What I did do, though, was pick at my claws and scratch my arms to the point where they bled. Of course no one else saw this as I was sitting alone at a table in the corner.

"Hey there, mind if we join you?" Mandalay and Ragdoll sat down across from me with that little brown haired boy that had kicked Deku in the balls earlier today. Can't think of his name.

"So why are you all alone over here kitten?" Ragdoll asked as Mandalay helped the kid cut his food.

"I'm a villain" I replied simply. I was...right?

"Oh dear of course you're not. If you were a true villain you wouldn't be here right now" the green haired lady assured me with a soft smile.

They talked to me the entire dinner which I didn't mind but sadly it wasn't calming my anxiety that only seemed to be growing the longer I was away from Keigo.

Suddenly rushing to my room I locked the door and held his feather close to me as my breathing rapidly spiked, tears suddenly streaming down my face.

The feather began to twitch and soon flew up to my face, wiping away my tears before brushing against my neck and tapping the hands that clasped chunks of hair to remind me to let go.

I sighed, holding the feather close to me as my heart beat finally began to slow down. I let my head fall back against the door as I sniffled.

"Kei I don't wanna be here" I whispered, hoping that maybe he could hear me. Apparently not though because the feather went limp on my necklace again and I didn't get any form of reply.

Because of this, I opted to just go to bed instead of the hot springs, but right as I was about to change there was a knock at my door.

I opened it and saw Kirishima and Kaminari, both of whom were smiling brightly as they looked at me.

"Come to the hot springs with us!" Kirishima shouted, hands balled up in fists that rested on his hips in a heroic sort of stance.

I sighed. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I don't like water all that much, sorry Kirishima" I apologized but I honestly didn't care all that much. Whatever.

They continued to beg, but eventually I think I convinced them I wasn't going and they gave up, leaving to the hot springs.

I sighed and got a shower going since I was sweaty and gross. Mr. Aizawa had turned on my quirk dampener so I wouldn't just teleport all the way through the forest, but I could still travel small distances.

As I stared at myself in the mirror my eyes traveled over all the scars on my chest that I had made over the years of slowly going insane from living alone.

Flashback to before Y/n met Dabi:

I sat alone in my house. My parents had left me almost 2 years ago, I'm 12 now. Even after this long alone I hoped they might come back, not that being sold for sex every night would be any better.

As I looked around for something to calm me down, I saw the sharp blade of my razor. I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew it was bad.

But since when did I do anything good?

I grabbed a heavy piece of my falling apart counter and dropped it onto the razor, breaking it apart leaving only one still intact blade.

I closed my eyes and ran it across my arm. It hurt like hell, but as soon as the pain went away I wanted to feel it again.

Cut after cut I watched as my arm bled and the floor had the red liquid pooling on and staining the once white tiles.

Eventually I got ahold of myself and washed my arm, putting it under water until the bleeding stopped enough for me to wrap it up.

Little did I know that this wouldn't be the last time I do something like this.

A bit further in the future, she still hasn't met Dabi yet:

In the alleyway I sat, staring at my knife with a blank gaze. I felt the urge to make myself bleed once again.

About 6 cuts later I got an idea. No one loves me right? So why don't I just end myself and finally get some peace?

I held the blade over a vein, ready to bleed to death. Sadly though, right as I went to push down someone stopped me.

Looking up angrily my eyes met turquoise blue ones. The boy in front of me, probably around five or 6 years older than me with black hair, was grasping my knife tightly.

"Don't do it kid" he said in a deep, almost scratchy voice. I sighed and tried to rip the weapon from his hand only for it to go up in flames and burn to ashes.

I groaned angrily. "What the fuck dude?! That was my best knife!" I shouted at him, but he only sighed in response.

"Don't kill yourself, not at this age. I'm Dabi, but you can call me Touya since it's my real name" as he introduced himself I thought back to the pro hero Endeavor who had the exact same blue eyes and who just happened to have a deceased son named Touya.

"You're that dead Todoroki kid aren't ya?" I asked him slyly, watching his eyes widen as he thinks in his head about what to say.

With a heavy sigh, he nodded. I've noticed he seems to sigh a lot, I wonder why that is?

"Don't rat me out, my life is better here than back at that place" he pleaded, but I wouldn't never tell on someone for running away from home, as I knew personally how bad of a home life someone could have.

"I won't, and I get it. I know you probably get that a lot but I really do. My parents abandoned me when I was 10" I didn't know why I was telling him this, but I did it anyways.

We began to meet up more often and I got really close to him. Eventually we were inseparable, and that's when we met Stain.

He trained us in hand-to-hand combat, which not only helped Touya a ton due to him having a long distance based quirk and him never learning how to fight like that, but it's also gave me the opportunity to incorporate my claws into a lot of my attacks and allowed me to improve my strength.

Flashback end.

I woke up on my bathroom floor, sitting up slowly as my head was spinning. I must have passed out when I got all those memories.

Taking one last gained at my scars I stepped into the warm water and let it wash all my thoughts, good and bad, away for the night.