Poem Book | A Journey With a Shy Soul

Be Delicate

People, oh people
How fragile are you?
The mind and the soul
One could turn cold

Hold me in your palm
Gently, not rude
For as a friend, I entrust you my mind
And the heart and my weeping at night

Have you forgotten what emotion is like?
Have you forgotten the tongue's knife?
Be aware to feel that you're there
For if you are not, distress is wrought

Sonder am I when I ponder
I only realized that life is not like butter
Still, I'm addle when facing the battle
Of confusion and vagueness that covers my face

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*Wordbank

Sonder - the intense feeling of realization that everyone- even the strangers passing in the street, has a life just as complicated as one's own
Addle - confused
Wrought - made

This poem talks about what I feel. Currently, to show some background, I am trying to learn how to open up and show what I feel— as it is an important social or emotional skill that would benefit me in the future. The reason why I dislike opening up is because of the vulnerability that I feel when it comes to my emotions. I did not have a rough childhood or was surrounded by people who belittled them compared to others, but I do have a fear of it. The vulnerability of showing my negative emotions or what caused them makes me feel uncomfortable sharing it with others, so I hide it.

On with the general topic, it is talking about how people are delicate. It doesn't have to be emotional (although the poem is) and can be towards how one acts— like being influenced incorrectly when you were walking down the right path. The poem tells us to be careful with how we interact with other people around us and act responsibly for what we say or do around them. Even before the other one tells you what they feel uncomfortable with, like certain jokes or swearing, you should already refrain from doing them. Yet, even though they seem to be okay with it, you should remain considerate of how it would affect them. The main thing I want to get across is that we should start being aware of what we are teaching our friends and family members, especially those younger than us. It breaks my heart when I see that they do not know what they are teaching the young ones, and it makes me confused when I thought they were a good person or if they are someone older than me.

Many people are careless with these things and might turn my message away since they think it is not that serious. I will still do it nonetheless, as I am trying to practice exposure therapy on myself to give a start on being vulnerable. I am still not sure if I will be able to face the real battle though— showing what I feel to a specific human being who did something wrong to me. To also note one last thing, this is not a phobia. It is just something I very often hate doing. I still have a lot of steps to finish, but I want to do this and see if writing would help. I also do not bottle my emotions; I don't force myself to stop feeling sad because of something. I let myself feel sad, but I hid the incident and kept it to myself.

*Meanings

[Third stanza, second verse]
The tongue can do more damage to a person than a dagger. The things we say could hurt someone even if we don't know it. The real danger is the words and sentences we form. It can build up and tear down anything that is abstract, like feelings or thoughts; attitudes, and perspectives.

I feel hurt when someone uses words and jokes incorrectly. Even if it's not pointed toward me, I would feel very upset when I know that God does not like it. I would always cry when I thought of the things the people I know did who are in the same faith as me, and those errors that I can't fix because of the fear of showing my emotions or the cause of them. I am motivated to help myself feel like it is okay to share because I would love to have the confidence to share the truth, especially with those who also believe in my God.

[Third stanza, third verse]
When someone is aware of how he is acting and is willing to change it after we have talked, it makes me see him as a more trustworthy person with my emotions. When he is already a good one who is responsible for how he influences others, that gives security to the joy I have. Right now, only 2 people are like this to me, and the other often does little to no damage at all! Such a treasure.

I'm not going to lie, I hide a lot in plain sight. I'm not sure if at least 4 people noticed it, but I'm sure I hide my reasons well when it comes to being sad. Outside in public, I always go from having tons of energy to looking like I'm tired. Maybe I can admit that I can also cry in secret, knowing that I can form a bubble for myself to be human even at a table full of people.

[Last stanza, third verse]
When things go smoothly, it tastes good. However, life is not like that and of course, something will jump out from nowhere to challenge you.

[Last stanza, last verse]
As mentioned from above, it seems that I like hiding. I feel unsafe if I were to show someone what I feel if they are the cause of my problem. I run to spend time with myself, repairing my emotions by myself even when I know it's not 100% fixed. I never fake my smile and every emotion I feel is genuine, but I don't show the thing I felt earlier and just feel whatever emotion is next— like happiness.

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By now, you have reached the end of the page, and I'm sure you got to know more things about me. Whether you are a stranger or a friend, you will know that I am a very complex human who thinks differently from the majority of people, and you also got to know that maybe the reasons for how we feel are deeper than just sadness.

At the end of this therapeutic page, I can say that I am very happy. I feel calm because of the people who made me feel happy and interacted with me, even when I didn't show them this. Maybe I should learn more on how to express my emotions a few more times while using the word "feel", then I will see if I am making progress.