The Best Mistakes

31. Nolan

Graduation being just around the corner made everyone anxious as well as excited. Before graduation comes exams and exams meant no personal time. I've been neck-deep in this pool of books and notes since last week. Not to mention the reports, files and assignments which were due soon.

My room didn't look any different from a stationary storeroom. One would think this was a dumping ground with all these papers, snacks, pens, bottles and various other stuff scattered around. This was a nightmare for me.

While Asher fooled around the apartment doing whatever he liked. Watching him so worry free irked me and one other person. Someone who was in the same frustrating condition as me. But Jake Cameron, the most unbothered human being didn't complain about the work, he was only upset about not seeing his girlfriend.

To be honest, the only thing which kept me sane and conscious of time and date was Kayra. Our texts, calls and the secret date which we were planning helped me survive the week. But I couldn't just openly show my love, yearning for my girlfriend like the two fellas in front of me. I never expected a  relationship would be that hard to keep a secret.

I sighed thinking about the files I had to finish and submit. The calls from the press asking if I was really taking over the company or not drained me more. My father's calls to instruct and direct me on my future role as his successor had become a daily thing now. Preparations had begun for me to become the next CEO of The Gray Corporations Ltd. 

That is how it is supposed to be. Dad retires and leaves his position in my care once I graduate. This was decided ever since I was ten. But ‘Do I really deserve this?’ This question always creeped inside me, every time I was reminded of my past.
The crippling uneasiness that I was right and I am unworthy of this life hollowed me from within.

Even though I was loved by my family and cherished like their own, I always felt like I was betraying them. My own brother, this should all be his but here I was taking it in his stead.

Was stealing the right word to describe this? I don't know but Ethan voluntarily gave everything up and chose to become a doctor. He had found his happiness in following his dreams, so can I also become happy if I follow mine?

I guess the answer lies in the future. The only thing I can do is bear the weight of my own thoughts. I just felt I wasn't enough, I wasn't doing anything I should do. I wasn't making my family happy. They must be disappointed in me. Such thoughts always weighed me down and whenever these thoughts felt too heavy, I always resorted to cleaning and organizing. That was how I coped with my anxiety and distress.

But right now the problem was, I couldn't go see Kayra looking like a fucking gloomy dark cloud. She already had a lot on her plate, so I can't have her worry about such trivial matters.

By the time I finished cleaning, it was already eleven. I had to reach college by one and meet Kayra there. So I hurried to wash up and get changed. Despite my efforts at skincare the bags under my eyes were quite visible.

“I look terrible,” I murmured, looking in the mirror.

“You always do. But you look worse today.” Jake peered through the door. We were going together as we had to submit the same reports. If I wasn't seeing reality myself I would've punched him in the face. He was right, the many all-nighters I pulled and dehydration had made me look no less than a zombie. “I really look like a fucking zombie,” I groaned.

“You're damn right,” There he goes again. Mocking me with as much expression as a rock.

“You don't look any different, Jake. Be careful or Amy might dump you once she sees you.” Asher appeared from behind him and looked at both of us with pity.

“What?” Jake touched his face and looked in the mirror in horror. This was a rare appearance of emotion on his face. But I couldn't even laugh at him for I was in the same situation.

“It's fine. You guys don't look bad or terrible, if you ask me.” Was he comforting us? If yes then it wasn't working. But why was he even comforting us? He should be wallowing in grief about losing Ruby. Then how come he looks fine to me?

“No one's asking you!” Jake and I said in unison. I closed my eyes and he sighed. We had to accept how we looked and as Asher said we didn't look as bad.

It won't matter if we looked terrible for once. Afterall, love is beyond appearance. And I was sure Kayra wouldn't dump me for this nor Amelia dump him!?

Some small eyebags can't change their feelings for us, right?

Sorry :⁠'⁠(
I can't meet you today
Gotta finish some work!!

Kayra's message popped in my lock screen. How the fuck did she cancel our date even before she saw my horrible state? Does she have some sort of hidden power that allows her to see people without physically seeing them?

I felt like someone snatched the ground from under my feet. The only thing I was looking forward to today was to meet her, hold her and fucking kiss her but everything shattered before me with just a small text.

Asher was right. We were going to get dumped. I was dumped even before my girlfriend saw me.