The Best Mistakes

41. Kayra

Days had passed and nights were spent, my most cherished freedom was my companion for just a few more days now. I didn't realize how two months went by, I just laughed and lived, like really lived without any invisible shackles pulling me down.

And the person who made my days so beautiful and worth it was my Nolan. He made it so that I could only feel happy and forget about the future. But forgetting something doesn't mean you can avoid it.

Today was the second of March, two days to leave and four days until my engagement. My stomach churned and the dinner I ate threatened to come out at the word engagement. I wanted to cry and scream but not a single word was coming out. Like my whole body was crying except my eyes. I was leaving. Leaving everything I cherish behind, my freedom, my dreams, my friends and Nolan.

I never had a choice, or maybe I still had, I can stay and not go. But I knew I couldn't go against them, I just couldn't. I will leave, so I made my choice, I chose the life my parents want for me. I chose to leave Nolan.

But this was how it was supposed to go, so then why my heart was aching so much. Why couldn't I pack a single thing from the past hour and was just staring at the empty suitcase in front of me? Nolan swayed me and my decision to leave him.

No matter how much it hurt, or how much my heart breaks, I had to go back. This was how everything was supposed to go. I spend two months here, doing everything I couldn't do before and when the time comes, accept my fate as it is. Then why was I feeling like going against it?

My clothes remained scattered on the floor and bed and my closet was half open and I sat there in the middle of my mess. A pearly white shirt shined from my pile of clothes from the bed and I sighed looking at it. The shirt was for Nolan. I saw it a few weeks ago and liked it as soon as I saw it. I thought he'll look good in it on our last date.

Last date. My last date and the last time I'll ever be seeing him was tomorrow. I had been planning this date for over a week. I wanted it to be nothing less than perfect. I wanted it to be memorable for him too, I wanted him to remember me, when I'm gone. Though, it's selfish of me to think that way, I couldn't help it.

My fingers grazed the soft fabric of the shirt, as I stared at it blankly. I couldn't tell Nolan, I was leaving. I couldn't say this was the last time I'll be seeing him. The guilt was eating me from inside and the pain of living without him clawed at me.

I didn't want to get attached to him but I got attached. And now this attachment was ripping my heart in two. The fond memories of Nolan, the silly fights, his smooth lines, all of him, I wouldn't ever forget. They were like the thorns of memories after experiencing the beauty of the rose-like moments.

A lone tear slipped from my eyes and fell on the shirt. “I can't bear it. I…” Sobs muffled my words and a fresh stream of tears flowed from my eyes. The call with Nolan from earlier was painful enough, I didn't know how I'll spend the whole day with him without breaking down.

The mere thought of him and the sound of his voice was enough to set my emotions in a flow. But I'll have to pull myself together, I can't ruin the last chance of being happy with him. Even if I tell him, nothing will change, so after spending a happy day with him, I can tell him.

I want nothing but our last day together to be happy, not sad or regrettable. I just want to simply receive his affection and laugh with him all day. I will tell him once the day is over. I know it isn't fair but what's happening to me isn't fair either.

“I'm sorry Nolan…” The sobs turned into whimpers and I choked on my tears, unable to contain my emotions. I was so deep in thoughts and flowed in my feelings I couldn't hear the knocks.