The Best Mistakes

43. Nolan

My knees gave up as soon as I entered the house. I couldn't stand any longer, even my emotions felt too heavy. I couldn't hear or feel anything, everything just felt bleak and numb.

Faded voices from the background unmuted and the light shake from Jake brought my senses back. As soon as I saw Asher and Jake in front of me, on the ground, I couldn't keep myself together.

Warm stream of tears began flowing down my face and I just let everything out. I was never this pathetic in front of anyone, in fact I never felt this useless ever before. Holding myself back in front of Kayra was hard but I did it. She shouldn't feel bad for me, she shouldn't but…

Jake hugged me when I bawled my eyes out. “She left me,” I whispered between my sobs. I wasn't telling them that, I was saying that to myself. I was trying to let that fact sink in. I was afraid to admit it but she really abandoned me.

“What should I do, Jake? I can't live without her.” My clutch on his shirt tightened as I felt Asher patting my back. “She left me.” I was pathetic. I was desperate. I was broken.

She left me in the park. She didn't even let me take her home. She took a cab and went her way and I couldn't even stop her. I just let her go, why did I do that? I didn't even convince her. Maybe I knew she wouldn't be convinced, that's why.

And the thought of seeing her unhappy with me, against her wishes was more frightening to me than her leaving me. I could serve my life on a plate for her if she asked, then bearing a lifetime of despair for her choice should be nothing.

But the mere thought of a life without her was scary. I couldn't breathe without her. I was feeling like someone was choking me and sucking the life out of me. Asher and Jake helped me get up from the ground and sat me up on the couch.

I wiped my tears but they just wouldn't stop flowing, even my throat hurt but I couldn't control myself. “Take a deep breath and drink this.” Asher handed me a glass of water. It took me a minute to calm myself down while I kept staring at the glass.

“Now tell us what happened? Why are you like this?” Asher asked, sitting beside me. My head spinned and my whole body ached, maybe the emotional pain inside me turned into physical pain.

I pulled my mind back. “She broke up with me,” I told him. After crying and letting myself vent, I felt my mind getting clearer. I wasn't the emotional type but the fact that I cried so much meant it really hurt. Asher gasped. “That sucks!”

He frowned. What did I even expect from him? He always went below my expectations. I glanced at Jake and he didn't seem the slightest bit surprised. Maybe he knew this was gonna happen. Even though everyone knew Kayra was going to go back, they didn't know it was for her marriage. So, no one expected us to break up.

I guess Jake knew this. She must've said something to him as he was the one who delivered me the clothes. Jake's eyes were still indifferent. “You let her do that?” he asked.

My eyes lowered. “I couldn't do anything.” My voice was nothing but a mere whisper. Saying this out loud, pained my heart. It was just an acceptance of my foolishness. But I didn't regret choosing to respect her decision, because I loved her. I'd support her choices and respect her no matter what. And I didn't lie, when I told her I'd wait for her.

If I stood even a tiny chance to be with her, I would not give up. I’d wait for her even if it meant waiting until my last breath.

“You couldn't stop her?” Jake scoffed. Asher and I looked at him with surprise. He never acted like this except that one time. “Who are you trying to convince here? Us or yourself?”

Jake stood up and his voice gradually became louder as if he was mad. “It's not that you couldn't but you didn't. You let her go because that was easier than fighting for her.”