Absolution

5- Loss of control

Callie POV

i could hardly sleep last night. i feel so embarrassed. i've been here a few days and i've already fucked the biggest player in the school

i mean, it's not that he was a bad guy. he was actually kind of sweet. he made sure i was okay, he made sure i was comfortable, and he also made sure i came

my ex tyler never gave me that privilege. it was all about him. he said 'if you want to cum you should learn how to'

that doesn't even make any sense

i got out of bed after a good hour of sleep, and jumped in the shower. as the water ran over me, washing his scent away, i felt a strange sense of longing.

i missed having someone care about me. last night was physical intimacy, which was comforting, but what i really longed for was emotional intimacy.

i don't think anyone has truly cared about me since my mum. my dad sure as hell doesn't. i don't think he ever did

tyler never did. he made that clear when he started hurting me.

i didn't really have any friends before. my friends were all his friends, so none of them cared about me.

i felt good here. most people were nice, and i really think i've started to make friends. like mason

as much as i tried to push it away, my thoughts kept coming back to brady. last night was... weird.

growing up always being considered 'beautiful' teaches you something. how to tell the looks of pure lust, and the looks of actual interest.

isaiah for example. pure lust. everytime i look over at him, i catch him eye fucking me. it was weird and kinda creepy, but also lowkey adorable.

mason, interest. but not in a romantic or sexual way. he looks at me like he wants to know me. talk to me. he seems like the type of boy i could hang out with without any expectations.

and brady. it was complicated. when i first met him, i saw nothing but interest. and though he didn't really speak to me much, i would catch a glimpse of him every so often staring at me with fascination. i liked that.

then last night. it was lust. even when he was apologising to me, i could see it in his eyes. he'd only came here for one thing

i'm not stupid. i don't believe his apology, but that didn't make me want to have sex with him any less.

the only boy i'd had sex before last night with was an abusive asshole. i had to force myself to get through it just so there wasn't another argument.

though it happened abruptly, last night was a big deal to me. it was the first boy i'd been with other than tyler.

i always imagined it being more special than that, but maybe it could be the start of something more.

after my shower, i got out, done some light makeup and plaited my hair. i slipped on a slim fitting floral dress today to match my mood. i felt good. i felt ready to try and move on from tyler.

the first thing i wanted to do when i arrived was talk to brady. i needed to know where his head was at. if he wanted something more, i would be okay with that. if he didn't, that was also okay. i just needed to know.

i took my phone off charge and laid on my bed, opening our messages

'we need to talk'

he read it very quickly.

'meet me in the front courtyard 10 minutes before class'

i left immediately, wanting to catch him before classes.