Absolution

19- Bad at secrets

Callie POV

i woke up feeling like shit. i told brady what happened yesterday, but i didn't know if i felt better or worse

it felt good to have the weight lifted off of me. to finally not feel completely alone and to have someone on my side.

it was also embarrassing. the way he looked at me made me angry. like a kicked puppy, wounded and in need of saving.

i didn't want him, or anyone to think of me that way. besides, i was handling it. with the pills, i felt in control. it was nice

so before i headed out the door to walk to school, i popped one for good measure, wanting this day to go as quick as possible

i was scared to see brady. i think i regretted telling him. it's not that i didn't trust him, i just don't fully forgive him for what he did

i didn't tell brady about what marcus said, about how what brady did made him want to assault me. to be honest i don't even know if that's true, but i also know that he wouldn't be able to forgive himself

i don't think brady is responsible. i've thought about it a lot, and though what he did was completely and utterly fucked up, he never asked anyone to do that. he sure as hell doesn't condone it, he proved that.

but that doesn't change the fact that what marcus said could've been true. that brady's words inspired him in some fucked up way. and as much as i want to forgive brady, i just can't. not yet.

i walked into school and towards my locker to hide the bag of pills. i probably should've left them at home, but i might need them

"callie" a familiar voice spoke from behind me. i turned slowly to see lee, marcus' friend

i ignored him, putting my other stuff away

"are you okay?" he asked

i turned to face him, but i couldn't make eye contact. the pills weren't doing nearly enough for me.

"i'm fine, why?" i replied sharply.

"i just haven't seen you around, really. you know i thought we had a good day, maybe we were friends. what happened?" he sounded sympathetic, not angry.

"i just have a lot going on" i spoke back quietly.

"okay. well if you ever wanna talk, im around. come hang out with me and the boys again" he smiled at me.

i scoffed slightly. i didn't mean to, and i felt mean, but i couldn't imagine ever going back to that fucking room that's tainted with memories of him.

"sure" i forced a smile, as lee walked away.

if lee truly didn't know about what marcus did, then i felt bad for him. imagine finding out one of your best friends is a sadistic cunt.

the rest of the day went slow. i sat lost in thought for most of my lessons. trying to think of anything else except him, but i couldn't.

he infected me. my thoughts, the way i see things, how i overanalyse everyone's intentions with me. when a boy talks to me in class, i get scared. we're in fucking class, what could happen?

the lesson before lunch i had with brady. it was a bit better today. firstly because marcus wasn't here. i'd heard he was in hospital recovering from what brady had done

broken jaw, fractured eye socket, multiple broken ribs, etc. he really didn't hold back.

the second thing i noticed about the lesson that the usual sexual looks from the boys had been adverted to looks of hatred towards brady, but i wasn't sure why.