Absolution

9- Types of anger

Brady POV

as i walked down the street, coming closer and closer to my house, i couldn't help but think about callie

when i saw her at the party with marcus, it made me disgustingly jealous, and i don't even know why.

there was nothing between us, we fucked once, then i ruined everything by being an egotistical asshole, and that's it.

but just seeing her laugh and dance with another boy, she seemed so carefree. so happy. is this what she was really like?

did i take this away from her? because this isn't the girl i saw yesterday on the bridge. the one who looked empty, like she was going to break at any moment

but after seeing her so broken, and it being my fault. i realised i was wrong about her.

she wasn't like the other girls at our school, she didn't try and get back at me. she didn't spread rumours about how tiny my dick was or even try to say i was lying.

she let everyone think what they wanted to think, and kept herself to herself

my first instinct was that she was weak for that. how she didn't even try to stand up for herself.

but then, on the bridge, when we locked eyes for the first time since it happened, i understood. she'd been here before

maybe not the same situation, but similar. in a dark place caused by someone else's selfish actions, and just not having the will to fight against it.

she wasn't going to play my game, and that made me feel worse about starting it.

if she wanted to be happy with another boy that could make her feel special and deserving, then i wouldn't stop her. i didn't deserve her anyway.

and then i saw her again, about 20 minutes after she was drunkenly dancing in front of everyone, smiling like nothing else mattered.

when she bumped into mason, she was screaming, crying, flailing about like she was trying to get away.

it was such a stark contrast.

i wanted to do something. i wanted to ask her what happened, try to help in some way, anyway that i could.

but i didn't

i kept my eyes on her as we went outside, as she sat on the porch in landons arms. even after mason snapped at me and i left, i still kept my eyes on her.

as i came closer and closer to my house, i tried thinking of what could've happened.

my first thought was mahbe she got in a fight with another girl? but she seemed too distraught for it to be that.

then i started thinking maybe someone attacked her, but the only person she was with was marcus, and he was a good guy.

a bit of an outcast, loner type, but he was cool. i've partied with him, hung out with him. i couldn't see him hurting anyone

maybe if someone did attack her, he would know who. he must've seen who approached her throughout the night

i swung the door open to my house, and sat on the couch, opening an expensive bottle of whiskey.

i hoped mason and landon would come back here. i prayed they found out what had happened.

around 20 minutes later, they quietly entered, staring at me solemnly.

i stared back. on second thought, if they knew what happened, i don't even know if they should tell me, because i don't know if i'd be able to control myself if someone hurt her.

"she's fine, brady" mason spat out, walking past me

"no she fucking isn't. what happened?" i needed to know

"we don't know" landon said quietly, turning from me, towards mason who had found his way over to the bottle i was drinking

"what? what you didn't even ask her?" i scoffed angrily

"she's a mess man, i don't even think she'd be able to form a fucking sentence" landon replied

"well obviously something happened" mason turned to face us. he looked so serious. it was eerie

"no shit" landon replied

i remember learning in therapy there are 10 different types of anger, scientifically. which was a lot for one emotion.

there was behavioural anger, which she, my therapist fran, deemed to be my most common one. the one where you channel your anger physically, taking it out on everyone and everything around you.

i felt this right now. towards whoever hurt callie, i didn't know who or what had happened. but something clearly did. i was going to kill whoever fucking touched her

self abusive anger. i felt this towards myself. for what i did to her, and how badly i hurt her.

judgemental anger was at the forefront right now, which basically means an anger towards an injustice that happened to someone.

callie didn't deserve what i did to her, and she didn't deserve whatever happened tonight.

as i walked towards mason, snatching the whisky bottle, i couldn't help but think how i blame myself. even indirectly.

if i hadn't of done what i did, would she have gone to that party? would i have been there to prevent whatever happened from happening? would everything be different if i could've put my pride aside for a second

i drank straight from the bottle, heading up to my bedroom. i didn't care if she didn't want to talk to me, i was going to be here, and i was going to protect her, no matter what it was.

or who it was.