Absolution

23- Terms

Callie POV

after my dad went into his office to try catch up on work from his week away, i tried to distract myself by playing with rocky. he was so cute. so energetic and loving

i still couldn't shake the itch i had to go get more pills. my body was feeling dependent on them now. i didn't feel right.

today was okay, because for some of it i was still feeling the effects of the pills, and when they ran out all i could think about was what dad said. but now i needed some.

i tried to call lev, but he had blocked me. confused, i made my way to his house, letting myself in like he told me to last time.

i walked down the stairs to the basement seeing him and a few of his friends relaxing on the sofas.

"lev" i said sharply, as he turned around, revealing a large black eye.

"go away, callie" he said spitefully, taking a sip of his beer

"the fucks your problem?" i asked, walking over towards him.

"your little boyfriend," he turned to me, "gave me that today, told me to stop selling to you"

"i don't have a boyfriend" i said defensively

"really?" one of the boys excitedly spoke, as i rolled my eyes at him

"brady" lev said, standing up and walking back towards the minibar. "sorry callie, can't sell to you anymore. i'd rather not end up like marcus"

"fuck you" i said instinctively.

"oh you don't like talking about your boyfriend nearly killing someone? now that i think about it, was that over you, callie?"

i stayed silent, but the anger was just building up more and more

"does brady always go and almost murder people out of jealousy over you?"

"you have a black eye he didn't nearly murder you, you pussy" i spat out

"oh, but marcus is still in a coma" he retorted back

i felt my heart race start to rise. if only he fucking knew the real reasons.

i turned away from lev, making eye contact with the boy who was clearly way too horny for his own good when i said i didn't have a boyfriend.

"you, what's your name?" i asked

"max" he said awkwardly.

"you got any pills?" i asked him, and he swiftly nodded. "cool, let's get out of here"

"your funeral bro" lev said to max

he wasted no time in following me out of levs house. i lit a smoke once we were outside, trying to calm myself down. i was physically shaking, maybe out of anger, maybe because of the fact that lev just put all the memories of marcus back into the forefront of my mind

"let's go somewhere else, then i'll give you the pills" max spoke, opening his car door.

this was stupid. this was so fucking stupid. but the need to have those pills could make me do anything right now.

so i got in the car.

we only drove for a few minutes before we pulled up in an empty car park on the outskirts of town.

i was welling up with tears now. i needed something to stop this feeling. i couldnt take it anymore

"can i have them? i can pay" i said, my voice breaking and hands shaking as i tried to get the money out

"there's no need for that" max spoke as he put a hand on my arm, stopping me from getting the money out. "i don't want your money"

max looked me up and down. in his eyes, there was nothing but pure, dirty, hungry, unfiltered lust

"i'm not a fucking prostitute" i snapped at him, putting my hand on the car door

"you won't get any pills anywhere else. it's your choice" he spoke in my ear. "i'm not gonna force you to do anything, but those are my terms"

i loosened my grip on the car door handle, squinting my eyes shut as i gave in.

i needed those pills, and lev wasn't going to give me any.

"fuck you" i said bitterly, as i climbed over the seat, straddling his lap.

he kissed me so hungrily. it tasted sour and sick.

all i could think about in this moment is how ashamed my mum would be of me.

when i was 9 years old, sitting at her funeral, watching the casket get lowered into the ground, i told myself and her that i could make her proud. that i would make a good life for myself, so when she watched over me, she could be happy with who i became

i never wished heaven wasn't real til this moment, just so she wouldn't be looking down on me pawning myself out for drugs.

i feel as though i dissociated from my body, just like with marcus. like i couldn't feel max's touch, or how he felt inside of me. i could t hear his grunts in my ear as i closed my eyes and imagined being anywhere else. somewhere safe.

as he finished, he practically threw me off of him, cleaning himself up.

he was smiling to himself and shaking his head as he pulled out the bag of pills, throwing them at me.

"where'd you live? i'll take you home" he smirked. i could feel the judgement radiating off of him. but i didn't care, not as i popped four of the pills into my mouth.

"i'm good" i hopped out of his car, trying to figure out where i was before the pills kicked in.

i walked down a trail, that led me to a bench by a small creek.

it was peaceful. no cars, no people. the sun was starting to set, so the stream was lit up so beautifully. it was sparkling from the sun, the orange painting the water.

i realised taking four pills was a mistake when i felt myself become slightly immobile. i laid down on the bench, letting myself drift off into the bliss.