Fate Interrupted

32. An Understanding

Gio

"I'm... just going to go play with the kids outside. I'll leave you two alone to talk," Chiara says quietly.

She quickly collects Angela from her bedroom, opens the sliding door, and slips into the backyard to play ball with Tony. Soon, loud peels of young laughter waft in through the door, contrasting starkly with the deafening silence surrounding Ren and me, while what I said still hangs untouched in the air.

"Bipolar?" The question falls softly from Ren's lips, breaking the silence—but it seems more of a question to herself than to me.

What is she thinking? Am I a freak to her now? The beats of my heart keep ramping up.

"Yes," I answer low, still looking down at my hands. I just can't bear to check if she has a horrified look on her face. But then I feel her eyes on me, and I raise mine slowly.

"Really?" she says, making eye contact. "I mean... you're sure?"

Fuck! Am I SURE?

"Yes, Ren, I'm pretty fucking sure! Christ!" I spit. I see her face fall and go red and bury my head in my hands. God, I'm such a jerk.

"Gio, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that," she retracts, adjusting the hem of her skirt. "I guess... um, I don't know what to say."

I don't know what to say either. Ren's whole idea of who I am is probably blowing apart. She thinks I'm damaged goods now. Fuck. She's probably looking at me like I'm on the clearance rack with a sticker on my forehead that says... 'As Is.'

But then she scoots closer to me—the grey leather sofa squeaks as it clings to the skin of her thighs, and she places her hand on my shoulder. I flinch at her touch at first; it feels like pity, but then she leans into my body, giving me her support, and I can't help but relax into it; the warmth of our bodies connecting in this way feels... too good.

But soon, the uneasy silence still snakes around me again. I turn my head slightly and peek up past my wrist to check her expression. My eyes cut into her— searching for her feelings, but I can't decipher a damn thing. Say something, Bella, I beg her with my stare.

An onslaught of thoughts rush into my mind, and I can barely pick them apart: She's going to judge everything I do now. Why did I think I could have a normal relationship? It's only a matter of time till it happens again. What if she leaves me? And we just signed that lease together! I can't afford that on my own. Why'd I get our hopes up that we'd actually move in together? I'm an idiot and a coward for not telling her sooner. Fuck. It was so good while it lasted.

She removes her hand from my shoulder and places it gently on my forearm. "I, um, well... can you tell me about it? I've heard my mom mention it, but I don't really know... very much."

Sighing, I pull my hands down from my head. I let my elbows drop to my thighs and pick nervously at my thumbnail. "I'm actually what's called type II, and it means... from time to time, I get depressed. Like, really depressed. I know I've told you some of that already, but the flip side is, sometimes I feel... really good, but I don't act like myself, either." I shoot her another look to check in and she looks nervously concerned but not freaked out. Not yet, anyway.

"Oh? Okay..." is all she says, so I feel the need to keep going.

"I mean, I don't get full-blown manic where you have to go to the hospital or anything," I assure her. "I just feel like... amazing!" I widen my eyes for emphasis. "Like super energized and creative. I just want to do everything—achieve all my goals all at once. And I actually have the energy to do it."