The Sympathizer

Chapter 24

Addiction is a dangerous thing. There's a difference between wanting something and being consumed by your obsession for it. 

A small part of me always knew this would eventually happen. That once I had Lazarus I wouldn't be able to think of anything else. I used to obsess about his every move since I matured as a female but now it's worse. 

Now that we've actually been together, it makes things so much harder. The sight of him with those two naked Plutonians flashes past my vision, over and over again. 

I see red, blinding anger so hot it sears through my very being. I want to murder them, peel their pale skin of their bodies and hear their screams of mercy for touching what is mine.

But I'm the one who pushed him into their arms. I am the one who refused his proposal. 

Tears blur my vision and my mind wars with my heart. My heart aches for him, it's not complete, it hasn't been since he built me that cottage in Cixin and since he told me he loved me. How do I let someone like that go? Someone I've been wanting for years. 

But my head is warning me to run. Telling me that there will always be secrets and that the playing field will never be level because I'll always want him more than he wants me. 

My communicator rings and I look down to see Lazarus's name on the screen. I tuck it in my pocket even though my chest aches to hear his voice. He humiliated me in front of his entire staff and I hate him for it. 

I head to the SyStem and spend the rest of the day trying to distract myself with work. My squad members tip toe around me, noting something is off but thankfully no one says anything. I try to hold it together the entire time but then my fingers itch as I glance at my phone.

He called me once. Only once. That's all I am worth. 

Once I'm back home I forgo dinner and head downstairs to the basement. I built this section slowly once I became a Sympathizer and when I learned that we had the technology to monitor others without the need for the All Seeing Eye in the SyStem. 

Our basement like most others accommodated all of our gliders and riders plus some ship parts that father couldn't bear to part with that sat in a corner idly. The far end housed a wall of weaponry, placed securely in a laser proof wall bound casing. 

My staff and family thought the extent of the basement ended there. It used to until I built a small chamber beneath this space, for my extra curricular activities. I'm not proud of this, in fact I haven't been here in weeks. 

It was always easier to monitor others here, from the privacy of my home instead of at the Sympathizer headquarters. 

General Lyra would have executed me if she knew I had replicated Sympathizer technology but then again whats the use of teaching me anything if I can't use the knowledge imparted to me? 

The device in my pocket blurs out all cameras in the basement and I unlock the encasing, walking into our weapons room. 

Stacks of laser guns line the walls, with heated knives and electro poles arranged neatly below them in rows. I walk to the far left wall and look behind, making sure no one else is around before I place my palm on a precise spot on the bare wall. 

The censors read my signature and the wall tilts, opening up a corner just enough for me to slip through before sliding shut. The hinges groan, rusty from weeks of disuse. Ever since I started up with Lazarus I've barely had time to monitor much else.  

What started as a means to spy on Sympathizer targets when I was fifteen, slowly morphed into a habit I've been finding hard to break. General Lyra had told me I needed to keep an eye on Lazarus because he was spending too much time with the weapons dealer Za.