The Sympathizer

Chapter 30

My blood must be filled with lead, not only does every limb feel heavy, it's also impossible to move. I can barely blink, I try to open my eyes but my eyelids feel like they've been glued shut. 

"Luna. Luna!" The voice grows louder every time I hear my name and yet it feels so far way, it might as well be coming from another planet. 

"Luna!" The ground around me shakes, more like the world, I feel everything vibrate, my head starts pounding in response. It takes a while for the muted shouting to clear and only then do I recognise Lucian's voice. 

The quaking intensifies, I feel each shudder right down to my bone. My teeth chatter and the pressure runs down my jaws, the intense ache causing my eyes to finally flutter open. Something vile climbs up my throat and I turn to the side and throw up. 

My belly convulses, clenching painfully as I retch all over the plain tiled floor. I still feel nauseous, even after I've emptied whatever was left in my stomach. My head feels like a pulsing boom box machine, each pounding sensation makes me want to claw at my scalp.

I feel someone gently pull my hair from my face and flinch. Panic shoots down my spine as I look around me, expecting to find myself back in Lazarus's room. 

The walls around me are dark but shadows dance along each surface. Bursts of blue light fill the room when a motion censored lamp is activated. Lucian stands up and another lamp lights up, illuminating the entire back wall of his room. 

Lucian. 

I've never felt more relieved in my life. A flurry of emotions burrow into my chest but I'm too exhausted to emote. Tears run down my face as I recollect what I just went through. 

An engagement, an expedition, coming home to find that my parents have basically packed my bags and kicked me out of the house, finding myself at Lazarus's and then being made to feel like a prisoner. 

My chest tightens with dread when I remember how he tried to paint me out to be unstable. That has to be the worst part of last cycle. Was it the last cycle?  

I look up at Lucian who has a towel splayed between his hands, looking ready to wipe me down or something. 

I look at his bedroom floor and the mess I just created but Lucian appears unfazed. He sits down next to me on his bed and dabs my forehead gently. It's only then that I realise I've broken out into a cold sweat. 

What is happening to me? It feels like I'm falling apart at the seams. 

"Lazarus is waiting for you outside. I haven't allowed him in." He tells me tentatively, gauging my reaction. 

My stomach clenches painfully in response. 

"What happened? How long have I been out?" I croak. My throat feels so raw, it hurts to speak. 

"What happened?" Lucian mimics me disbelievingly. "Shouldn't you be telling me? All I know is I got a call and you needed my help so I came immediately. You've been out for two cycles, Luna. You were drugged with a high level sedative, one that induces memory impairments." 

I've been out for two cycles? Two whole days of unconsciousness? What would my squad think about my unannounced absence? And the council members already witnessed me being late to Earth's expedition and now this? I've never acted like this in all my years in the army. 

Everyone must think I'm slacking off, either that or Lazarus has planted the idea that I'm unstable. Which would work in his favour as well. 

My parents are on his side. The whole of Pluto knows he's my betrothed. I've been missing work, going in late. He's been making me look more and more incompetent, his justifications being that I'm unwell.