The Sympathizer

Chapter 28

I feel the pressure of his hug all the way down to the pits of my stomach. It does little flips but instead of making me giddy, I feel my body shake with fear. 

I've always been able to get myself out of impossible situations. Spying on terrorists, infiltrating potential rebel bases, meetings with volatile leaders, near death experiences, I've survived them all because I belong to the Trinity, because I was the daughter of two generals. 

But this?

I've never been in a position like this. Never had the people I love come together and work behind my back. Ever since I agreed to marrying Lazarus, my mother has talked of nothing else, I've barely seen my father and Lazarus has morphed into someone I don't recognise.  

Yes, it's true. I did move out and live with Lazarus for a short while before we broke up but right now this situation just feels a lot like they're trying to get me out of their way. 

"Lazarus," I say in a shaky voice, putting my palm against his chest mostly to steady myself. I've started to shake out of fear, the feeling of being trapped looming over me like the shadows around his room. "Why am I here?" 

He must notice my trembling because he loosens his hold and pulls me at arms length to look at me. 

"Luna, what's wrong?" His eyebrows knit together in concern. Under the dim lighting the turquoise in his eyes are washed out, they almost look black. 

'What's wrong?' Can't he see how wrong this is?

"Why am I here?" I repeat in frustration while he holds me against the door. 

"Why not?" He says it obviously like it's the most natural thing. 

I try to push him away. I need some space. I need to get away from him but his grip is vice-like. Either I've grown weaker or he's always held back on his strength. 

"You're my fiancé now. It's best that you stay here," He pulls me against him and strokes my hair tenderly, like a pet. I hear him take in a deep breath, his lips brushing against my hair. 

"Best for whom?" I struggle against him but I might as well be fighting a brick wall. "Lazarus, why am I locked in here? Am I your prisoner now?"

He chuckles softly. "You could never be my prisoner. If anything I've always been yours." 

I scoff loudly and sink against him, giving up on fighting against something so futile. He relaxes when I do this, his heart beats slowing down. 

"Can we talk, please? The door won't be locked forever. I just want to talk without you walking away from me." His voice is so soft, so pleading, it strikes a nerve within me. That's the problem with him, one moment I think he's a possessive asshole, the next he makes me soft with his vulnerability. 

"Okay," I say, giving in. "Let's talk." 

I watch him smile when he releases me. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on my lips, making me shudder. How can something I crave like oxygen also taste like poison? 

We walk to the rows of televisions and sit down with our backs facing the wall of weaponry he keeps stored in his room. I remember teasing him about them last time, Lucian and I used to make fun about how weak his skills must be if he needed so many weapons to feel safe in his own room. 

But it appears Lazarus is stronger than I imagined. Stronger and smarter than anyone of us could have anticipated. 

He pours me a drink but I don't take a sip. Instead I wait for him to speak. 

He drinks almost half of his, his eyes never leaving mine. "You know I appreciate you by my side, right?" 

I nod slowly. "I would hope so."