The Sympathizer

Chapter 38

I feel itchy all over, my stomach lurching as I lean over the grass, feeling sick. The flowers are in bloom this season and Lucian's courtyard are littered with them. I stare at the red ones from Earth, thinking about Ron. 

I sent him in there, knowing he would die but the reality is so much crueler. He will be maimed and disfigured first, losing part or all of his consciousness till he can't recognise himself or much else. 

And General Aldric knows I did this. My palm goes up to the side of my mouth, where his lips touched moments ago. I washed my face numerous times after but it still feels contaminated. What did he mean by that warning?

Aside from keeping this meeting a secret, he never stated what he wanted from me.

"All set to go?" Lucian walks up to join me. He sent off the generals and the absence of their gliders fill me with ease. "Or do you want to stay longer? I could fix us up with those nice hot chocolate drinks." 

I nod automatically. I'm not ready to go anywhere. To be honest I'd rather stay here, staring at the flowers for as long as I can. 

"You more pale than usual. Is everything alright, Luna?" Lucian asks before telling his bartender to prepare our drinks. "Did our conversation disturb you?" 

I shake my head incessantly whilst my fingers thrum against the arms of the chair. I can't meet his eyes when I reply. "No, nothing happened."

Lucian would have mentioned if he knew I had snuck in those humans. The fact that he hasn't said so could only mean he doesn't know. Which means only General Aldric holds this secret over my head. 

I chew on my lip, wondering if anyone else knows as well. 

"This whole thing is terrible. They've been lying from the beginning and we've done nothing to prevent it. All in the name of rebuilding our population." Lucian plops down on the couch beside me and an attendant places two steaming cups of hot chocolate on the table before us. 

"Can we talk here?" I ask him and he tells the staff to clear the room. 

Once we are alone, he nods for me to continue. 

I swallow hard, hesitating for a few seconds and then realise that I'm desperate. I can't do this alone. 

"Listen, I know a human there." I say reluctantly and he frowns.

I lean closer, not wanting to say the words so loudly. "I sent in a human and I need to get him out before they kill him. 

"What?" His eyes widen with surprise. "How?" 

"I needed to earn their trust," My gaze lowers, not wanting to see the judgment in his. "That is how I found out."

"Oh, Luna," Lucian takes my hands in his and squeezes them. "You shouldn't have gone that far, what if the authorities find out--."

"I know!" I snap, feeling a rush of frustration threaten to overwhelm me. I made a stupid mistake and now I am paying for it. 

"I'm sorry," I say softly, rubbing my thumb against his palm. "I'm worried." 

"This might not be the nicest thing to hear but wouldn't it be better if you left it this way. If he's dead, there would be no evidence of your involvement." 

"No." My fingers release his and instead grip the seats tightly. "I promised him I would try. And don't you think it's wrong to leave it be? We voted to send in more than a thousand humans with the War Council but none of them know that it doesn't work. It would be cruel to send in those humans with the information we have now."