Clandestine || J. Garoppolo

[17]

I kinda feel like shit

I also kinda crawl in a hole wanna die

but that's not important I guess

mental health went from good to terrible within a span of a week. it's been such a shit week and it's only Wednesday. honestly guys

I feel like such fucking shit and I just really, really want to die. nothing feels right. everything is wrong. and Shane victorino got traded from the Red Sox and that just made everything worse cause that 2013 championship team is the fucking reason I'm alive man and they're all gone

and all I can remember is going to the alcs against the Tigers and Vic being in right field so close I could practically touch him and he was right there and now he's fucking gone

and I know it sounds dumb but these guys are my fucking home and that year was such an important year for me and it doesn't matter where those boys are but those boys are and always will be my home

I'm just so fucking upset about life

Enjoy, I guess
*****************************

Hazel twisted her bracelet nervously, rubbing her fingers over her nails and chewing on her lip.

"Hazel, calm down."

Jimmy looked at his beautiful best friend, standing there in her floor-length, midnight blue dress.

"I'm nervous, Jimmy," she sighed, still playing with that bracelet that he had gotten her so long ago. Jimmy had gotten her that bracelet freshman year, and she had worn it every day since. It didn't matter if it didn't match her attire, she wore it.

It was a silver charm bracelet with a single charm on it. That charm was a daisy, Hazel's favorite flower.

It was his birthday gift to her, and it was completely worth it. Jimmy had worked two jobs just to afford that bracelet for her. He worked as a lifeguard, an amateur baseball ump, and a cashier at the local supermarket.

He still remembered how she threw her arms around him and buried her head in his shoulder, whispering "thank you" over and over again. He remembered how she slipped it on her wrist, her eyes shining.

"I'm gonna wear it on my wedding day," she had teased. And he had laughed.

"Your husband's gonna have to compete with me," he had teased back. And Jimmy had to turn away to keep himself from getting choked up.

"You look handsome, Jimmy," she said softly, touching her best friend's upper arm. Things hadn't exactly been different between them since the night they fell asleep together, but they weren't the same, either. Jimmy had been giving off this weird vibe, and Haz had been feeling this weird vibe.

"And you look gorgeous," he said in a hard voice, glancing down the hall.

"Thanks. Logan'll be down in a few minutes," she said softly. Jimmy nodded.

"Alright."

The two stood in silence for a couple minutes. Hazel studied Jimmy, and she saw how handsome he really did look.

They were getting ready to go to Matthew's wedding. They had rented a ton of rooms for the wedding guests the night before, and transportation to the venue (a lovely outdoor pavilion with a reception inside later) was being provided. She, Jimmy, Logan, Danny, Addy, Julian, Rob, Alex, Chandler, Nikki, Tom, and Gisele were all meeting at the elevators to go to the venue.