Being Blinded

Chapter Nine

Small blessings come in the form of being accustomed to a distinct lack of sleep on a regular basis, back when I was in High School and falling asleep was easy, one restless night would turn my world upside down for the rest of the week. Even as lying awake into late hours and early mornings became a regularity, I would find myself a zombie that couldn't string a sentence together, much less a coherent thought.

I don't think anyone should have to make an adjustment like that but sadly that doesn't cure insomnia and certainly doesn't soothe the constant ache in my bones.

The part of it that I find okay today, is that I know I can function and have a good day despite only getting brief stints of sleep all night. Every time my eyes caught the glowing time, I was reminded of how far away I was until Alfie was coming to pick me up.

Truthfully, I hadn't thought much about adding anymore tattoos to my small collection since our trip last week, much like all the people that get the itch for more I can understand the want. I didn't go home and compile a list of possible next additions; in fact, I was pretty certain that the next would only come when I needed a slice of control to latch onto again.

Of course, Alfie has always been pretty good at throwing wrenches into my perfectly laid plans, peering at me with piercing eyes that sink down into my soul. They're a comfort he doesn't know and a sense of home that leads me to do things that maybe I wouldn't normally.

The date debate continues to swirl torturously around in my head, my overflowing closet appear barren and as my bangs hang in my eyes I wonder if leaving my hair wavy was a bad decision. Everything that I am normally unphased by feels like it might be the deciding factor in how today goes, as if something as silly as that would be controlled by my hair.

Alfie couldn't care less, just because he asked me to accompany him to watch other people get tattoos and watch as more permanence is scarred against his skin, doesn't mean he cares what I look like. Friends don't do that kind of stuff and if he'd meant for it to be a date, he would have let the word roll off his tongue.

The brisk knock on my door makes me glance down at the blue lace of my bra, the only thing covering my chest. Black jeans tight and moulding just underneath my belly button, the incoming stream of people aren't enough to tear my eyes away from my closet.

"I knew you'd be staring at your clothes and overthinking your outfit!" Claudia declares, rushing into the room with her brown hair tied in two low buns and Hugo's jumper hanging over her hands. Bare tan legs skipping towards my bed.

Claudie coming felt like an inevitability once I said I couldn't go shopping with her today, it's the arrival of Sophie, Cassie, and Imogen that strikes me as strange. They all have cautious smiles on their faces, anticipation lights the array of eyes straying to my half-naked form.

Thoroughly confused my focus wavers, "What's happening right now?" I murmur, Soph and Cassie joining Claudie on my bed as Imogen sinks down into my desk chair. "Are you all going shopping"

"No?" Imogen declines, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "We're here for you"

Truth be told I didn't mention the date-not-date to anyone, for once I wanted Alfie to be able to do something without worrying about the others as well. More than that, I've struggled to believe he wants to hang out with me at all, like building our friendship is a tick on a list I'm not privy too.

If I told them, let them way in then it becomes real and this enormous effort I have been putting in to not becomes a blubbering mess of feelings. To not fall into the trap of getting my hopes up, of believing that maybe this isn't a invite of friends.