Being Blinded

Chapter Twenty-Four

There's a handful of things in life that you can accurately predict, sometimes you can see them coming but there's no way of knowing what the fallout will feel like.

I always knew Graduation would come, I never thought I would dread the end of exams, essays, and lectures. But now I'd do it over and over again, if it meant never knowing this feeling, you think there's stuff you can compare it too but there's something achingly different about this.

My fingers feel numb around the thin paper, some scribbles that are supposed to define my qualifications in life, my stance and intelligence. It feels wrong for it to come down to something as trivial as this.

The noise that always follows are group around has been lost in the sea of what comes next, blue gowns drape all of our bodies but it all feels pretend. I keep waiting for the dream to end, to wake up in my bed, snuggled in next to Alfie and momentarily unaware of how quick things are changing.

People always say that time moves quicker than you think, the older you get, the busier you get, everything starts to speed up and then you blink and it's all over. This is what walking onto campus feels like today.

"Do we know who's here?" I ask, Imogen's arm linked through mine as we walk through the courtyard and towards the towering auditorium.

There's a comfort in having my best friend so close, we feel like different people now than we were when we first met. That was always inevitable, but it's strange to come to terms with the fact that nothing really ended the way you thought it would four years ago.

"Mum and Dad are here for me" Imogen hums, "Sam and Sophie's family, minus Sophie's parents obviously. Cam's Mum's flight was delayed so she won't make it, but his Dad and girlfriend should be in the stands somewhere"

"Cassie said her parents are here too, that must be where she has disappeared off too" I nod, pulling her close when the rush of people around us, start to slide our arms away. "Marge is here for Alfie; his Dad is sick, and I saw Claudia's Mum talking to the Dean earlier, so I know they're here"

I feel her delicate fingers squeeze comfortingly around my wrist, "How did the decision making go for you?"

"Well, with how well the dinner went the other week, Phoebe wants to have a one-on-one meal with them, spend some time together and feel out the situation" I explain, letting my eyes scan over the blue and yellow banners and balloons that have been attacked to columns, doorframes, and string. "I think we are both a little worried that they'll fall backwards and try and just have me in their lives again. Toni's been in the hospital so as much as I wanted Phoebe here, I know she would have just worried for her the whole time but I'm happy to have them here. Even if things are still... odd"

"They came back though and they're trying, I think the fact you both are giving them another chance shows a lot of weight in the people you are"

I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes, "I am once again getting too much credit, Phoebe is the strong one. I might be the older sister, but I am just following her lead"

"Oh yeah?" Imogen grins, "And who else has been telling you this"

"Alfie" I grimace, ".... And Phoebe"

"Exactly!" Imogen laughs, "Any sign of Liz, I kind of thought she might come for Cassie. I know that Cassie leaves next month but considering their... friendship? I kind of thought she would be here"

"Liz is magic in a lot of ways" Sophie chimes, arm sliding through my empty one to link herself in with us. "And I told Cassie this from the start, she might make you feel like the most cherished woman on the planet, but Liz doesn't want to date"